Christmas and New Year came and went quickly. The passing out from panic attacks did not cease and Peter was tired of fighting them. Tony noticed that the teen was more depressed than usual. He decided to put Peter back on patrol since it gave him purpose.
"Be back by 10:00pm ok? I don't want you out late yet," Tony said.
"I will, I promise," Peter responded as he shot his webs out the open window and left.
He forgot how freeing it felt to swing from building to building. It was a nice day out and there was a nice breeze as he moved. In a few hours he stopped five muggings, 3 robberies, and 1 carjacking.
After he was done with patrol, he swung to the highest skyscraper in New York to lay on the roof. He sighed and looked up at the gloomy night sky. Usually, patrol helped his dark thoughts and depression subside, but he felt like he was at his breaking point.
Peter stood up and walked to the edge of the building, looking down at the lights from the buildings and cars. "Why me!" He yelled out loud. "You took away my parents when I was young, leaving me with Ben and May, then you took away my fucking uncle if that wasn't enough already!" He yelled starting to pace on the roof. "I'm a good kid too! I'm not mean to anyone, and I have good grades! What did I do wrong!? What did I do to deserve this!?"
"My life was going so well," Peter said quietly not noticing the tears falling down his face. "Then you took away the only real family I had left and now I'm broken. Is this what you wanted?! For me to be miserable because I sure as hell am right now!" He started sobbing uncontrollably. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed out loud.
He walked back toward the edge of the building."Is this what you want me to do?! End my suffering! Well I just fucking might!!! You win ok?! You fucking win!!" Peter yelled to the sky. He took a shaky breath as he prepared to step off the edge but the alarm went off.
"Peter, it's 9:45 PM, Mr. Stark wants you back by 10:00 PM so you should start heading home," Karen said.
"Shit! I forgot I'm wearing the suit. Saved by the bell I guess" He thought darkly. "Thanks for reminding me Karen." He said. "You're welcome Peter. Your heart rate is dangerously high and you're having a severe panic attack. Do you want me to contact Mr. Stark?" Karen asked.
"I-I'm fine, do NOT contact Mr. Stark," He responded as he shot his webs and swung home.
~~~
Peter was able to calm down in the fresh air and arrived on time. He swung through his bedroom window and closed it. He stood in his room trying to process what happened on the roof.
"What would've happened if Karen didn't interrupt me?" He thought to himself. Next time, he was going to make sure he wasn't wearing his suit.
He wet his hair so it looked like he took a shower. His hygiene had been neglected for awhile now. There was a knock on his door. "Hey kid, we're about to have ice cream downstairs an have a movie night. Wanna join us?" Tony asked. Peter didn't want to worry anyone so he threw on his best smile and opened the door."Yeah, I'll come down."
"You look happy for once. How was patrol? Tony asked while they where taking the elevator downstairs.
"It was pretty normal. In in Thanks for letting me go back," Peter answered.
"No problem. I figured you could handle it," Tony responded as they made it to the living room.
It was chaos in the living area. The Avengers were eating their ice cream and arguing over which flavor was the best.
"Peter please settle this. We are tied between Cookies & Cream and Rocky Road. Which one is it?" Sam asked.
Everyone looked at him expectedly. "Hands down, Cookies & Cream is the best," Peter responded. The Rocky Road lovers groaned. "I like you even more now kid!" Sam said jokingly. "Aww come on Peter! Rocky Road is supreme!" Bucky said. "Pipe down tin foil lookin ass, Rocky Road tastes like shit." Sam said.
"You taste like shit," Bucky replied shoving Sam playfully.
"Shut up one armed Jesus," Sam said.
"Anyways, how can you be talking looking like Dr. Cockroach from Aliens vs. Monsters," the winter soldier snarked.
"How can you be talking looking like Bethany Hamilton from Soul Surfer?" Falcon responded.
The rest of the Avengers laughed at their ridiculous banter.
Peter went to the kitchen to make a small bowl of ice cream so no one would be worried. His happy persona dropped since he was by himself in there. He listened to everyone having fun and felt relieved. They would be fine when he was gone. No one noticed he slipped away anyways.
He took a deep breath, turned on his happy persona, and walked back into the living room. Everyone was paying attention to the movie which was Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. Peter's gay awakening was Kylo Ren. He was relieved that he didn't have to fake being happy in the dark.
Lucky for him, Tony recently installed surround sound to the huge flat-screen TV. Peter quietly slipped away and went back to his room.
He started pacing in his room, trying not to relapse. Everyone was so proud of him for being clean for three months.
"Fuck it," Peter thought eyeing the secret compartment he built in the wall containing one razor.
He opened the compartment and grabbed the razor.
~~~
"Hey kid, I noticed you left and I was just coming to check on you. Are you ok?" Bucky asked walking into Peter's room since the door was open.
"What's that red stuff on the floor?" He broke down the bathroom door.
"SHIT! PETER? PETER?!?!?"
~~~
A/N
Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I decided to make the sh scenes less graphic. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. And remember, you are so loved by me even though you are a complete stranger. My dms are always open.
Until next time
-RR
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