Pen Pals - Dear Evan Hansen

Chapter 3

Time Jump Backwards

Evan's POV

life-is-meh: why would you even ask something like that?

life-is-meh: i'd miss you so fucking much. you're my only real friend, and i genuinely care about you

Ten minutes went by with no response.

life-is-meh: why aren't you answering??

life-is-meh: i'm worried about you

life-is-meh: please don't do anything stupid

What if something's wrong? I mean he's talked about his depression a lot especially lately, but I don't think he would... fuuuuuckkkk. What do I do? There's literally no way for me to physically stop him. I'm useless per usual.

I really can't lose him. He's all I have. He's the only reason I haven't tried to off myself again yet.

Maybe I'm just overthinking. Maybe his phone died or he fell asleep, or maybe he's just busy. Breathe, Evan. You have to breathe.

I start towards my house at a pace slightly faster than usual as if being home will suddenly make everything better. At least I won't be in public if I have another breakdown.

———————————————

It's been a couple hours, and he still hasn't responded. Now, I'm really getting worried that something happened.

life-is-meh: just text me so i know you're ok

cancer.sticks: hey i'm alright. sorry for scaring you

life-is-meh: thank god

life-is-meh: i was scared you were hurt or something and i couldn't do anything about it

life-is-meh: what's going on?

cancer.sticks: i was just thinking about some stuff. i'm safe though don't worry

life-is-meh: you better be

life-is-meh: i don't wanna lose you

———————————————

"Honey!" I hear my mom call through my groggy state, "you've got to get up, or you'll be late for school."

I look over to my alarm clock to confirm, and it's already 7:45.

"Shit," I mumble as I force myself out of bed and over to my closet. I just grab the first hoodie I see and decide that it'll do. I could stand here for hours debating what to wear, but I don't have the time or emotional energy for that today.

I head down the hall towards the kitchen, but my mom is already halfway out the door.

"I'll see you tonight if you're still up when I get home. Have a good day at school. I love you," she says quickly. I can tell she's in a hurry.

"I love you, too," but she was already gone.

I'm not that hungry, so I'm just gonna skip breakfast. I should be going anyway because it takes a bit for me to walk to school. I shoot cancer.sticks a quick message before heading out the door.