away; b.e.[rewritting]

Chapter 73

continuing

I open my eyes and I check the time on the alarm clock on my nightstand.

1:21 AM

I groan and get up.

I fell asleep as soon as my head touched the bed.

I see charlie sleeping peacefully in his bed. I walk to my bathroom and brush my teeth as well as my skin stuff. I put on my glasses and change into some shorts and a hoodie.

I pick up the duffel bag dropped off by my front door earlier and place it on my bed.

I unzip it and go through it all.

the bomber jacket, narcotics hoodie, lavender hoodie, she gave it all back.

The bomber jacket and lavender hoodie i gave her during the Boston show, the sample narcotics hoodie, the Off-White belt i got her for our one month, the necklace with her name in script, my cologne, some clothes i left there, she gave it all back.

I see something else. At the bottom of the bag.

I take everything out and find a note at the bottom of the bag.

thought you'd want your stuff back. stay safe,
-billie

I clench my jaw and crumple the paper up and throw it out. I take the bag and throw it against the wall. I take one of my acoustic guitars and smash it against the floor. I pick up my mattress and flip it over. I pick up the bottle of cologne she gave back and throw it against the wall.

I walk out to my balcony.

"FUCK YOU BILLIE O'CONNELL!" I shout from the top of my lungs.

I go back into my room and close the door. My back hits a wall and slide down.

i give up.

"Emilie? What's going on?" Dad asks, walking into my room.

"What happened here?"

I stayed silent. He nods and sighs but walks over to me and sits beside me.

"Breakups hurt, doesn't matter who it is. They hurt, that's the horrible reality of it all," he says. I rest my head on his shoulder.

"I miss her so much dad. I don't even know why she left. No one wants to work with me anymore because of what she's said about me," my voice cracking.

I start crying and dad puts his arm around me and tries to calm me down.

~

"Thanks for helping me fix my room," I say.

"Of course. Remember you're not alone," dad says.

I nod and sit on my bed. I stare at the broken guitar sitting by the garbage can in my room.

"Yeah I'm a retired plastic surgeon. Don't know how I can help you with that," he laughs. I do too.

"That was the guitar Billie used to make I Love You. I didn't realize that was the guitar I broke until now," I say.

"Do you want me to take it out with the rest of the garbage?"

"Uh yes, please," I say. Dad nods and picks it up as well as the garbage bag.

He starts to walk out the room.

"Wait dad, no, stop," I say getting up.

He turns around and smiles.

"I knew you'd come to your senses."

I take the guitar out of his hands and place it on my school desk.

~

Lauren and I have been talking for the past 2 hours on facetime. She's been telling me a lot about tour.

"Dudeeee the energy they all had," Lauren said laughing.

"I wish I was there dude. When I had the show with Conan, I was so happy. I felt alive for the first time in so long," I say.

"That's what I love about tour: it brings out the best in you and projects it out in front of tons of people," Lauren says.

I nod.

"Dude, what's going to happen with the wedding?" I ask.

"We wanted to have it in May but I don't think that's safe now with all that's going on."

"Yeah definitely," I say.

I grab the gorilla glue and start trying to put the pieces back together.

"Woah, what happened?" Lauren asks.

"Kind of had a breakdown," I shrug. "Billie gave me back all the things I ever gave her or left at her house."

"Oh my god, are you ok?" Lauren says. "I mean as much as you can be after going that?"

"I ended up accidentally cutting myself when I threw the cologne against the wall. But dad was able to give me stitches at home. Apparently he always carried stitches with him," I say.

Lauren laughs.

"What's going on with the album?" She asks.

"I have a few songs. I'm not continuing with it until i'm alone. This album is my brain and my feelings on paper and I need to be alone making it," I say.

She nods.

"I get it."