LAW OF ATTRACTION (Author's Reco)

AN ANGEL HAS FLOWN AWAY

LISA

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't rest thinking how she is. Where is Jennie? 

I looked for her everywhere.
I want her back. I want Jennie back!
I'm too much of an asshole for letting myself get angry at her for so long.
Even I know in my heart that I am in love with her.
I am in love with her!

And in a snap of a finger,
I lost her again.

I took advantage of Jennie. I played around with her weaknesses. I didn't value her like how much I really want to keep her in my life.
I was too hard. I was too selfish.
I used her for my personal intentions.
Intentions that she wholeheartedly accepted and lived with because she loves me so much.
Jennie loves me so much! I know she made a mistake in the past, but I sincerely felt how much she has changed. She made me feel that she can be the wife I need everyday when we lived together again.

I am shaking while I drive.
I reached Rosé's home and I heard screaming and banging of stuff.
I entered her house and I saw Jisoo inside too. They are quarreling.
God. What is happening to all of us?

I tried to stop Rosé.
Jisoo begged. Knelt down 
for Rosé to accept her again.

"You Lisa!
Don't you ever tell us what we should do.
You can't even fix your own life. You even let Jennie, my best friend slip away just like that. And you know where she is? She's nowhere to be found. She is pregnant!
You two better get out of my house now!"
Rosé was so angry. She was extremely mad.

I walked out.
I went home and just had a drink. I tried calling her number but I couldn't reach her.
God. Where's Jennie?

I can't take this anymore. I called my parents.
They did not get mad at me. But instead they are flying back here in Korea early as expected since Hanbin is already fine and got back his sight.
They promised to help me get Jennie back.
My parents are worried. Mom is crying that Jennie went away. I feel so bad making my parents worry this much. Dad wanted to fly back here immediately. I know they are so scared of what might happened to Jennie.

A month has passed and I get sick often. I lost my appetite. I even lost a case for the first time.
Stupid, Lisa. You're so stupid!
I feel like I'm dying anytime.
I want Jennie back. That's all in my mind.
I'm going crazy if this will take longer. I need to see her. I need to take care of her.

This is hitting me so hard.

I have come to realize that my love is so much stronger than my anger.
What I did was wrong. I know in my heart that I have forgiven her a long time ago. It's just that I was consumed by my pride and ego.
I was complacent that she loves me so much and would do anything for me. I played with her feelings for revenge.

I am sorry, Jennie.

A week after, my phone kept ringing while I was driving after my hearing.

An unknown number.

L: Hello?

Unknown: Lisa..

L: Jennie? Jennie, is this you? Where are you?

My heart is filled with excitement upon hearing her voice.

J: Yes, Lisa. It's me.

L: Jennie, tell me where you are. Please.

J: Lisa, I am sorry. I am so sorry.

L: Jennie, no. Don't be sorry. I'm the one who must apologize for my stupidity. Where are you? I'm so sorry for hurting you, love.

J: I'm here in Gwangju. I didn't know where to go. So, I just came here at my Father's province.

L: Jennie, tell me where exactly you are. I am coming.

J: Lisa, don't come anymore. I am at the hospital. And I am so sorry.

I am sorry
I lost our baby. I lost another child again. This is my karma for cheating on you. This is all my fault. I am sorry, Lisa. I didn't mean this to happen to our child. Forgive me, Lisa.

And my world turned black and white.

L: No, Jennie. No. Tell me where you are. I must be at your side at this time. I am sorry. This is my fault. Oh god. Our baby. I am so sorry, Jennie.

J: Please don't come anymore, Lis. This is too far.

L: Jennie. Tell me. Jennie? Jennie? Speak, Jennie! Please!

I was surprised when a man took the phone and started talking.

C: Hi, Lisa. This is Dr. Park Chanyeol.
This is my number. I already went out of her room.
I was driving on my way to work and I found a woman who fainted this morning.
Jennie Kim. Is she your wife?
Come and visit her. I'll text you the address of the hospital.
What are the odds that I am an OB too and I checked on her immediately. I am sorry. But we found out that Jennie's pregnancy was too sensitive. Did she encounter a lot of stress lately? Is she working or...?
Anyway, come here and let's talk.

L: Yes, Doc. I'm coming right away.

I don't care if it's already seven in the evening. I drove all the way to Gwangju. I called Jimin to cancel all my schedule and move until I want to come back to work.

I arrived at the hospital around ten. Yes, it's a three hour drive and I don't fucking care.

I met Doctor Park and he is so sorry for our unborn angel.
He gave me a list of all Jennie's needs.
He also showed me my baby. He made me decide if when we're going to bury my son.
It hurts. I didn't like that sentence.
I told him I should talk to Jennie first.
He assured me that Jennie can be discharged in two days.

I came inside her room and she is asleep.
I sat on her bed and she opened her eyes.
I lay beside her and made her head lean on my chest.
I hugged her so tight and she cried.

We're both crying.

"I am sorry. I am really sorry, Lisa."
Jennie is apologizing while cupping my jaw.

"No, baby. This is my fault. We lost our angel because of me. I am so sorry, Jennie. I am so sorry."
I kept apologizing while wiping her tears away.

Our tears became our blanket until we fell asleep.
I hugged her tight.
So tight.

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Hindi ko na kayang pahabain itong part na ito. Nanginging na daliri ko.
Sobrang nabibigatan nako sa pakiramdam.
Call me weirdo dahil naiiyak ako sa mga sinusulat ko. Pero shit. Ang hirap malagay sa sitwasyon ng dalawa / bawat isa 😭