LAW OF ATTRACTION (Author's Reco)

TURNING POINT

LISA

I stayed on the hospital at Gwangju until Jennie got discharged and another day at her rented place before we decided to go back to Gangnam.

Jennie's trauma came back. Honestly, it's there all along. Especially when I always hurt her. Dad was right. We're two different people. I am strong to handle my fight. Jennie is fragile and she needs support.
If I could only take all the pain she has right now, I really would. It's so heartbreaking to see her crying most of the time.

After packing all her stuff, we decided to leave. But the most painful thing is about to happen.
Picking up our son not in school but at the crematorium.
We took his urn and Jennie hugs him along the ride.

She is crying from time to time.
My tears are inevitably flowing too.

In the middle of the ride, I stopped the car and parked in an empty road with fields.

I couldn't hold it anymore.
I burst out.

"I thought— I thought after three months and a half, I would get to see the product of our love, Lis. It really breaks my heart."
She still hugs our son's urn while wiping her tears.

"I am so sorry, Jen. If only I took care of you and didn't give you pain. If only I didn't let you struggle. I'm sorry I was so harsh."
I cried so hard and gripped the steering wheel.

"Stop blaming yourself. Your son doesn't want to hear that. He loves you so much. I am not blaming you. Never.
Maybe if I didn't leave, this is not going to happen.
I was looking for a job. I haven't eaten my breakfast because I didn't want to be late for my first interview.
Then the next thing I remember is Dr. Park entered the room where I'm lying and there I realized I'm in the hospital. Maybe if I stayed, if only I stayed,
we could have talked about us and fixed our lives. Maybe we still have him.
I'm sorry I was so hurt. I was so confused. I didn't know where or who I was in your life, Lisa.
I was like a stranger to you. I also felt that I was a burden to you. I'm sorry."
Jennie's pain is choking me. I want to take that pain out from her heart.

"I'm sorry, Jennie. It pains me too. This is not how I imagined us to be. I thought of myself carrying him in my arms. I thought of hearing his cries at dawn and welcomes us with his smile in the morning. I imagine us as a family on road trips going to the beach on weekends and not like this.

I am really sorry Jennie. I am sorry for hurting you."
We are both in too much sorrow.
She rubbed my back and came closer to hug me.

I continued driving after we took some air.

We headed straight to her parents' mausoleum at the cemetery in Gangnam.
We both decided to let our son stay with his grandma and grandpa.

Jennie placed our son above her parents' tomb and we lit a candle for them and arranged the flowers.

I remembered the time when her father told me that he really likes me for Jennie.
Here I am, my heart is breaking to pieces and I found myself kneeling in front of her parents' tomb. My tears dropped on the candles.
This so heavy.

"I am so sorry, Aunt. Uncle, please forgive me. I didn't take care of Jennie as what you're expecting me to do. I am really really sorry. You entrusted me your daughter. You helped me in so many ways. You loved me like your own, but I did not become fair. I am so sorry. I am so sorry I hurt your daughter."
My sobs are too painful to listen to. Jennie moved down and rubbed my back and guided me to sit at the bench while we look at her parents and our son.