Blades and Bullets

44. Hand in Hand

Hours blur together as the world around me continues it's daily course, the sun falls, the moon rises only to fall again and as the sun rises, the cycle repeats.

To be honest, I haven't even kept track of how many times that cycle has repeated. The only time I had broken from my daze was when I had felt a hand rest on my shoulder, I had looked up and the doctor had looked at me with eyes of sympathy – I really hated that.

But, at least my mood lifted slightly when he told me I was finally able to move into Knox's room.

From then on, I spent every cycle in a small lounge chair that sat beside his bed. It was a deep blue with a small black embroidered pillow that sat in the centre, the cushion had sunk under my weight when I settled into the plush fabric and as I drifted off and my mind wandered.

It continued to wander as the days and nights passed by the window, people came in and out but one thing had always stayed. . . The feeling of his hand in mine.

Until that changed. I look to my hand which no longer feels his warmth, the warmth that had once plagued me, is now the only thing keeping me sane, a reminder that he is still alive, that his heart is once again beating.

"Come on, it's time to go have a shower," I look up to Val who now has my hand in hers, slowly rubbing her thumb in circles. I just look up to her with a sad smile and look back down to my hand that is still resting in hers.

I suddenly focus my gaze to the door when I hear the handle turn, and Mace walks in with Ace trailing close behind.

"Val is right you know. . . The only time you ever leave is to go to the bathroom and even that isn't a common occurrence." Mace is right, I have been holding in my bladder everyday in hopes to make it disappear, just so I can stay a little longer beside his bed.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I contract a bladder infection. . . not that it would change my mind.

"I brought you a sandwich?" Ace shrugs sheepishly holding out a sandwich. "It's turkey, if that helps," giving me a small smile. But he looks scared, as if I'll start crying if he says the wrong thing.

"Thanks, it does help," I send him the same smile I had given the girls and took the sandwich. His face relaxed, as if he was relieved with my response.

I remove my hand from Val's hold and slowly unwrap the sandwich, taking a bite I look up to Val who was looking at me expectantly.

"So, shower?" She asks, I nod my head in response and quickly shove half of the sandwich into my mouth and wrapping up the other half, I'll save that for later.

I reach out my hands and like a baby, I ask "Upsie?" She just shakes her head and reaches over to me, but before she can help my up Ace pushes her to the side with his hip and grabs my hands pulling me up and into him.

He crushes me into his chest and snuggles his face into my hair.

"Bitch," Val grumbles as she picks herself up from the floor, rubbing her arm that had hit the bed on the way down.

"You can let me out now Ace," my voice is muffled from his chest and the limited amount of oxygen that is currently entering my body. He looks down at me as if just realising how hard he was hugging me.

"I'm sorry!" He quickly releases me and an apologetic look covers his face. I smile up at him.

"It's okay."

"Ok, ok," Mace shoves Mace into Val and she falls over once again.

"Hey!"

"Sorry!" Mace calls back, shaking her head she looks back at me. "Come on, it's time for you to get rid of that hospital stench," she screws her face up in disgust.

"Unfortunately, I think that'll be staying, considering I intend to stay here." She shakes her head at me.

"I meant the fact that you have been huddled in that chair for over a week now," my eyes widen.

"It's been over a week?" I asked, shock evident on my face as my mouth hangs open.

She just looks at me with agreement, "exactly."

Mace grabs my hand and leads me down the hallway, she suddenly stops and turns to a nurse passing by, "Um excuse me?" The nurse turns around to face her, a warm smile shines on her face as she looks down at us, "Kaitlyn? What are you doing here?" Mace asks confused.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you! You remember how you helped me apply for the apprenticeship?" She wiggles her brow.

"Oh. My. God. No way!" Mace pulls her into a hug, "I'm so proud of you!"

"I couldn't have done it without you," Kaitlyn looks down at her lovingly as Mace slowly releases her. "So, what were you going to ask?" She looks to Mace before turning her gaze to me, as if just noticing me she smiles a little wider before turning back to Mace curiously.

"Oh, I was wondering where the showers were so we can get this one," she gestures to me, "all cleaned up."

"Just down the hall," As we wall away she quickly grabs my arm and looks at me sorrowfully, "and I heard what happened. . . I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," I lift the corner of my mouth before continuing down the hall.

Once we make it to the bathroom, Mace turns the shower to the perfect temperature while I strip.

"Here ya go," she hands me a small bottle, "they only have three-in-one unfortunately."

"Haha. So unfortunate, thank you," I take the bottle and get in the shower. I hear the door click shut along with a soft locking and I rest my head against the tiled wall.

Over a week.

It's been over a week and I hadn't even noticed.

Trying to differentiate between my tears and the water streaming down my face is a useless task.

As he lies on the bed, he's dying. The blood may no longer be visible but I can still see the life seeping out of him and the worst part? It's all my fault..

It's my fault he's lying there, tubes poked through him and needles in his arms, an oxygen mask over his face and a monitor softly beeping along with his withering heart.

The moment the knife pierced his flesh it was as if the action my mirrored onto me. A sharp pain shot through my heart and sliced through as my blade continued on with a purpose it had to fulfil. It is a miracle he even made it to the hospital.

A loud knock sounded at the door.

"Are you alright in there?!" I hear Mace call out.

"Yeah I'm good! Almost done!"

He has to pull through.

He will pull through.

I turn the knob of the shower and the water slows to a stop. Opening the door, I step out and begin to dry myself off.

I turn to the sink and I notice a pile of clothes sitting on the marble.

I chuck on the black shirt and immediately recognise to scent, thanks Mace. I pull up the pair of sweatpants and head out the door, giving my hair a little brush through before tying it in a loose bun.

The water dripping from my hair began soaking the back of the shirt, but I didn't care.

I was heading back to his bed, to him.

"Get off me!"

"No you get off of me!"

I practically pushed Val and Ace out of my way when we entered the room. They had been in front of the door pushing each other around, arguing over what I could only assume was the fall earlier.

I rush over to his side and take my place right next to him, the place I've sat at for the last week and a bit.

I grip his hand tightly into my fist and for the first time in the past hour, I finally feel at peace, like I'm right where I'm meant to be.