Caught In Between

XVI. The Return

That sure as hell isn't Cam that came back. I finally turn my head and glance up at Asher, who's standing above me with his hands shoved into his pockets. I don't make any move to get up, though. I don't feel shock that he's back nor am I happy, but I'm not upset either. I just don't feel anything.

"You're back." I turn my head back towards the ceiling when I say this.

"Yeah. I am." He doesn't say anything and neither do I. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you." I don't say anything to him. He pauses before adding. "I heard about what happened." I turn my head back towards him again, but I don't meet his eye. He lays down next to me and supports his weight with his elbow while propping his head up on his hand, so he's looking at me.

"You're back." I repeat.

"I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I walked out that door and never came back. I'm sorry that I didn't let you explain. And I'm sorry I wasn't here for you three days ago, when you needed someone."

"I had people." I whisper.

"I know. But, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you then."

"You're back?" This time, it's a question. For how long?

"I'm staying. I can't leave again. I don't want to leave you again." He takes his hand and brushes the side of my face with it.

"I wasn't ever going to tell you, you know?"

"I know. I understand why you didn't, and I believe you when you said you didn't rat me out to the bloodhounds. Otherwise, I'd be very fucking dead right now." He takes the hand he was brushing the side of my face with and links his fingers with my fingers.

"Why'd you come back?"

"I saw one text that made me turn my fucking car around and drive back to this shitty town."

"What was the text?"

"Harrison told me the second in command of the bloodhounds was found dead." Ty.

"They've been looking for you for a long time."

"I know. I didn't want to come back and face them. I liked being away and having no responsibility. I missed when I could do nothing and have no repercussions for it."

"You came back because Ty died?"

"No. Well, kind of. I came back to be with you. To be here for you. I know how you feel right now and I don't want you to be alone."

"I told you I'm not alone. I have people."

"People who keep wanting you to talk about how you feel? People who want you to open up to them about everything?"

"They care about me. They want to know how I'm doing."

"But you don't want them to know how you're doing. You don't want them to know what's going on in your mind. I know from first hand experience that talking to someone isn't what you want to fucking do right now."

He's right. Everyone wants me to open up and they want to know how I'm doing. Obviously, I'm not very fucking peachy right now considering I found my brother's dead body on the doormat outside the front door. "I don't know how I feel."

"And you don't need to. You don't have to know how you feel right now or ever. Who the fuck needs to know what's going on in your head? You don't even need to know."

"I don't feel anything, Asher. I don't know what's going on."

"You've just experienced a major traumatic event. You don't have to feel anything right now, you will eventually. One day, it'll hit. Your brother being dead will hit you, and you'll realize he's gone. You're in denial right now. You might think he's gone, but you don't realize he's truly never coming back." He's harsh, but he's right.