Caught In Between

XVII. The Goodbye

It turns out Ty's funeral was a lot sooner than I thought it would be. Wednesday morning I woke up to my dad telling me to find my best black dress for Ty's funeral this afternoon. Him saying those words didn't sound right. He said it way too easily. He shouldn't be able to be so nonchalant about his son's death. But I know how hurt he is.

I went to my closet and picked out the most conservative black dress I owned and paired it with a pair of black heels. I looked at myself in the mirror while putting a necklace on. It was a dainty silver chain with a small diamond pendant in the middle. The last gift I received from David. God, why did mom have to fuck that up? He was such a good guy.

I move my stare from the necklace back to my eyes in the mirror. A few months ago, they would've been clouded with anger and boredom. Anger towards my mother and Josh and boredom because of the knowledge that I was fit for more than my lame ass hometown and school. Now, they're a blank, boring brown. No anger or boredom inside of them. Now, they're just eyes.

There's a knock at my door and Cam walks in. He's wearing a fitted black suit and his usual floppy golden hair is slicked back for once. The eye bags are a deep shade of purple under his eyes indicating that he did not sleep very well last night. Or any of the past few nights at all. He looks at me from head to toe and his eyes are filled with pity. The last thing I want is to be pitied. "You ready to go?" His voice comes out a little higher than normal and it cracks. He's quick to clear his throat but I already heard how tired he sounded. He had most definitely been crying.

"Are you ready?" I scoff. "Ready to put my brother six feet under? Ready to finally say goodbye to someone I should have had an entire lifetime getting to know?"

"I know I'm not. We need to go though, we can't be late." He walks into my room right up to me and pauses when he's right in front of me. "I don't know what happened the other afternoon when I left for school, but I'm really glad Asher helped you." Me too. "You might even be your old self again soon." He gives me an attempt at a smile. My old self? What does he even know about my old self?

"Maybe." is all I say back to him. He pulls me into a quick, brotherly hug and when he pulls away, he starts walking back towards my bedroom door, me trailing behind him. I close my door behind me and we walk downstairs where the inner gang of the bloodhounds stands by the front door waiting to leave.

Liv's normal badass vibe is now replaced with a deep sadness engraved onto her features. Her eyebrows are drawn and her eyes are glassy. Her mouth tries to quirk up in a small smile when she sees me walking down the stairs, but instead it looks more like a grimace. Standing next to her is Damien. He looks more composed than Liv, but it's very easy to tell that he too is in a lot of pain right now mourning the loss of Ty. The loss of his day one highschool friend. Dad is standing at the door with his hand on the door handle, ready to walk out. We haven't talked much since Ty's death, so there is a little bit of tension between the two of us, but neither of us focus on the awkwardness. That conversation can come later. Today is Ty's day.

With one glance at me, dad opens the door and we all follow him out. Damien, Liv and Cam get into a car while I get into the car with my dad. It's a silent, long drive to the church with no radio in the background and no conversation with dad. It leaves me to think.

I think about the last phone call I had with my mother and when she told me she was getting married. Married to a man that isn't who she should've picked. I remember the way she was so condescending towards me and how she didn't seem to even give a shit about me. Maybe she doesn't. I'm not her problem anymore. But, she's always been this way, and I've always been used to it. I wonder what she'll think if I tell her Ty died. Does she even know who he is? I wonder if she even misses me, or thinks about me.