You're Not The Only One.

Chapter 16

A/N: Sorry for the slow burn.🙈Happy Reading . Will be waiting for the feedback.❤

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(Hande's POV)

My heart raced and my legs  trembled as I put my clothes back on and did what I could to fix my makeup. Without a brush and blow dryer at hand, my hair wouldn't be nearly as neat as it had been before, which meant that as I returned to the set just as filming was about to commence, I could have sworn that Gamze looked at me with a very assessing expression on her face.And it was my cue to go look for Bedo to fix my hair.
I worked to focus every ounce of my concentration on the scene starting to play out in front of me. It was the heated conversation between Babanne and Serkan. Fortunately, it wasn't long before I was completely lost in the story.
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(Evening)

It always took me a few minutes to come back to the real world after a scene wrapped, but as the emotions dug deeper with every scene Kerem and I shot, resurfacing grew more and more difficult, especially when my own emotions were all over the place.
We had just filmed the scene when Eda breaks things off with Serkan and it felt too real when I had to look into Kerem's bloodshot eyes which were a whirpool of pain , longing and unshed tears.My heart ached as if the pain was not felt by Eda but by me.

Thankfully, I wasn't the only one who needed to take a deep breath and shake off the fictional world, because Kerem's mother seemed just as dazed by what she'd seen play out on the set in front of her. She had come over a few hours back to meet me before leaving for America.

" Aman Allahım (oh my God)" she exclaimed, "I think my heart just broke into a million pieces and then glued itself back together all at the same time."

" It's been like this since the first day of shooting," I said as I took a seat beside her.

" It must be very hectic for both of you...this schedule and then the way the media hounds you.." she sighed, her unexplained words self explanatory.
"Sadece ben değil (Not just me) , the same happens to Kerem. So many of the things ordinary men take for granted, like picking up a cup of coffee or going out on a public date, are so hard for Kerem to do without people freaking out when they realize it's him. But I've rarely ever heard him complain about it, even though it totally sucks sometimes. Everyone thinks being a star is so glamorous, but that's just a small part of it. Sometimes when I look at our lives it just seems like long hours, super hard work, and a horrible loss of privacy."

Some actors I had known over the years were in it for the fame. Others continued giving their best in spite of it. Kerem was definitely in the latter camp, as I'd never seen him do one single thing to try to make sure his name appeared in the press.
Guilt churned inside me at the way I'd made being normal even harder for him. When he'd wanted to take me on a date; I'd immediately said no without giving him a chance. When he'd wanted me to spend more than just the one night with him after Cappadocia ; I'd been too afraid that my sister,my friends and then everyone else on set, would find out. He'd tried to show me a dozen different ways that he cared; I'd tried to pretend a dozen different times that I didn't, when the truth was, I cared more and more with every passing second. I had my reasons, even knew he understood them to some degree, but it still didn't make the situation any fairer for either of us.
She held my gaze, her expression uncharacteristically serious. "Handecim, Kerem has been the best son in the world, and has loved his family and friends with everything he has." Her eyes softened. "He doesn't know how to love any other way. None of us Bürsins do."

She did not accuse me of anything, but I suddenly wanted to beg for forgiveness, wanted to tell Kerem's mother that I hadn't mean to toy with Kerem's heart, that I'd done everything I could to keep him as a friend, despite the attraction - and desperate need - that raged between us like a wildfire.