You're Not The Only One.

Chapter 19

A/N:To all the lovely messages and the wonderful people behind them,thank you for your patience,support and love. I hope all of you are doing well and staying safe in these times.

(Note: Debbie Downer is a fictional character, and the name is used as a phrase for someone who brings down the mood of everyone around them. )

Happy Reading folks! ❤
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(Hande's POV)

Five days since I'd seen Kerem Bürsin. Five days of agony, five days of emptiness and five days of sobbing. There was nothing left in me. No emotion, no soul and no tears - nothing.
Every time my eyes closed he was there, the images flickered from the sure, confident, beautiful man who'd completely taken me, to the hurt and anger that he had left with five days back. I was at a complete loss. Empty and incomplete. He'd made me need him, and then he was gone.

In the darkness I saw his face and in the silence I heard his voice. There was no escaping it. I was unaware of the activity around me, every noise a distant hum, every image a slow blur. I was in Hell. Empty. Incomplete. I was in absolute agony.
I'd not heard from him since the day he had walked out. No phone calls, no messages ...nothing.

My friends and sister knew better than to talk to me about Kerem. They kept quiet whenever his name popped up in the middle of the conversation and I stayed away from them .I needed time to think and heal, even though I wasn't sure whether the later would ever be possible. How could a man whom I'd known a few short months make me feel like this? Something that I'd never felt before?
I missed him so much , yet I couldn't muster the courage to send that text.

A few days and we would go back to the set. I knew I'd have to deal with my feelings eventually, I just din't feel strong enough at the moment, and I was not sure when I would. Perhaps never.

Poor Gamze had tried so hard to pull me out of the black hole that I'd put myself in. She'd tried to occupy me with yoga , drinks at the pub and cake decorating, but I was happier festering in my bed. And Dilara along with Nilay had met me without fail every lunchtime. Not that I ate anything. It was hard enough to swallow, without trying to get food past the permanent lump that was wedged in my throat.

The only thing I looked forward to was my morning walk. I couldn't sleep, so I dragged myself out of bed at five o'clock every morning which was relatively easy.

In the quiet, morning fresh air, I made my way to the spot in the sidewalk near İstinye Park where we had gone for Christmas shopping. I sat quietly and picked at the dew coated blades of grass until my backside was numb and sodden and I was ready to wander back slowly to prepare myself for another day without Kerem.

How long could I go on like this?
.
.
.

"Bu arada," Gamze updated as I folded Mavi's cute little dress with ducks on it and set it in the armoire. "Caner and I are having a New Year party Saturday night at our house."

"Saturday night?" I questioned and glanced over my shoulder to look at her. "This Saturday night?"

She nodded. "Evet."

"You do realize it's Friday today, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"And Saturday is tomorrow."

"Haberim var (I'm aware)," she answered casually, like it was no big thing that she'd throw a New Year's party in a day.

"And why are you throwing this party?"

"Because we never got to have one after Mavi was born , Hande."

"Abla." I stared at her in absolute confusion. "How long have you known about this party?"