The Glassy Sky

LISA

November 7, 1996

Thursday

It's three in the afternoon when I got a call from the hospital saying that my son is currently fighting for his life. I immediately rushed to the hospital and arrived there as quick as I could. Luckily the hospital is only a few blocks away from where I work. I rushed in to Toby's room only to know that he's being electrocuted by the doctors on duty as the lines are becoming flat. "What is happening?" I asked the nurse in shock.

"Ma'am, you can't be here!" The nurse said.

"But that's my son!"

"I understand, and we're doing everything that we can to address the situation. Please wait outside while we do everything that we can to save him." I did what I was told, I waited there casually. They might have contained me, but my emotions cannot handle what's happening right now. I don't want my only son to die! He's been in so much trauma that I wanted him to experience a different life.

I called his father to let him know that his son is dying and right away he went as quick as he can. Then the moment we're all afraid of happened, right before my eyes, Toby did not make it. His lines went flat even though the doctors tried their best to restore his lines, but his line is flat no matter what they do. The doctors declared his time of death and tears dripping on to my eyes and I can't control my emotions. I can't believe that my baby boy died on a very early stage of his life, and what's worst is that there's nothing I could do to prevent it from happening. Ben hugged me for he also lost a son and I know that he understands my situation. Ben signed all the paper works for me including the insurances and the funeral for tomorrow because I was sitting on the chair doing nothing, nothing at all. I'm literally staring at the wall because I don't know what else I would do. Toby, I hope that wherever you are, you are happy and I just want you to know that mommy loves you!

November 8, 1996

Friday

Today's the first day of Toby's funeral.

Ben filed all the paper works for I can't handle the stress that I'm in yesterday. I haven't slept all night as I sat on the sofa, crying, not knowing what to do. I took some of Toby's photographs, trying to reminisce the past for I can no longer reverse what happened. I don't know why this is happening to me, and I don't know why I was put in a position where I can't complain about what happened. I went to the funeral and saw my baby boy, lying in a coffin. I went there wearing an all-black dress and sat on the front seat, while others are sharing us their deepest condolences with us. I told Ben that he should manage everything from the food to the guests for I can't do anything at this point. Being a mother, what's worse than any pain is losing your child. It's alright if I was the one who died, but not my son. I don't like the experience that I'm in right now.