My Improbable Theories On Her.

13. Who You Truly Are?

Before you start reading, I know I know I haven't still replied to all your lovely comments on previous chapters, but as you are reading this, I probably might have replied :D
Yep, that's all. Sorry for the delay yet again :(
Happy reading! <3

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7th October, 2016.

'...and maybe that's why some people fall in love with darkness. Because they are too scared to reveal who they truly are in the light.
In the constant turmoil of rejection and self-loathing, they sink and sink and sink.
But what's more heartbreakening is that, there are some people who care, who truly want to help such people; their loved ones, who keep struggling in this endless, dark void of self-doubt and uncertainity. But it is like they are giving them their hand from a hundred feet above. They want to help but they fail to understand that whom they are trying to help are far from their reach. And they themselves have no idea how they can be saved.

And hence, they seek validation from others. They seek to receive the love, the acceptance, that they cannot give to themselves.
Some even hide their true personalities. Hiding behind a mask that the society gives them, they are afraid to reveal who they really are; scared that they will be pushed further and further inside the void instead of getting out of it.

And at the end, this is their only question:- whom do you believe when you can't even believe in yourself?'

I stared at the last lines till the words became a mass of blur.
When I blinked, a tear fell on the paper and I realised that it became blurry because of my unshed tears.

Such beautiful.
Such beautiful lines, yet each and every words silently tears a piece of your heart.
Maybe that is why it is beautiful.

I skimmed through the catalogue of the printouts of the articles on her blog that I had printed yesterday.
I could have directly read from my phone, but I don't know why I just printed them yesterday at midnight.

The printer had printed the comments too and I was going through the same.

Not one.
Not a single person had asked her in the comments why she had written it.
The real purpose behind such a heart-wrenching piece.
All the comments were about how beautifully she writes.
Didn't anyone guess?

Didn't anyone guess that there is no way that she had written this based on a mere idea that crossed her mind?
That there is so much more behind this? Behind her words?
That she might have gone through the exact same things that she had written about?

Or is it me that is being overly-paranoid?

No, no, this can't be.
She had written in her text.
About the validation point.
She had hinted it to me.

God, Ajey, it was all in front of you!
All of it!
And you didn't even try to ask her how was she!
Didn't even try to reach out to her!

And-and she reached out to me when I needed someone!
I didn't even hinted and she knew that there was something wrong with me.
And on the other hand, I...I couldn't...

"And Ajey can play the role of the Sugeon, okay Ajey?", I heard my name.
I looked away from the catalogue to face a confused Adweta.
Her face contoured from confused to shock and then to concern.

She said softly, "You are crying. Are you okay?"

I blinked several times to get out of my trance and noticed that all the kids in our dramatics group were looking at me with concerned eyes.
Five pairs of eyes were just staring at me.