My Improbable Theories On Her.

Epilogue.

25th March, 2017.

I stared at my own reflection in the mirror.
While I was adjusting my bermuda, I noticed a small ketchup stain on my white t-shirt on the side of my abdomen.
"Abey, yaar!", I said a little too loudly.

Oops.
I looked around that if anyone had heard it.
Thankfully, everyone was either busy getting ready for their own grand entry or talking among themselves.
I looked skeptically at the stain.
Hmm, might have got it from the burger I ate earlier.

I tried to cover it with the pastel-coloured stripped shirt I was wearing atop it.
Fortunately, the stain was no more than a dot and it got covered up nicely.

I looked around the tent.
It's happening.
It's finally happening.
Somehow, standing among such great personalities, made me actually realise that yes, Ajey, yes you are here. You made it.

Suddenly, the entrance of the tent was disrupted when one of the female backstage crew entered.
She looked around all the faces and stopped when it landed on mine.

She smiled a sweet smile and said, "You're next. Best of luck.", and disappeared.

Okay.
It's time already.

I combed a hand into my hair, took a deep breath and ordered me to calm myself down.
Shh shh, Ajey, listen to me.
You are going to do great, okay?
You have rehearsed it to the point of perfection.
And more than that, you have wanted this, haina?
Then why get anxious and ruin this great opportunity for yourself, huh?

You have made it this far, of course you can do this!

With mostly positivity but some anxiety, I exited the tent and made my way to the assigned location.

I heard a sound that was booming from the main stage; after their turn, it was mine.
So, I waited there.

The texts had stopped long ago.
But for some weird yet nice reason, I wasn't able to get her words out of my mind.
A memory flashed into my mind.
Some months before when I had gotten less views on a particular video and was feeling down, I had told to her that I was feeling doubtful.

She had typed, 'We all are born beautifully capable of things, Khalid. The greatest tragedy is convinced we are not.'

I still don't know if things with her ended beautifully or tragically.
Maybe both.
Maybe none.
Maybe she was just another stranger that I met along the way.

It was as if all along the course of the past few months, I was having this theories; improbable theories on her, on what she is and how she is. And when I thought that I had reached there, finally reached there, she would contradict that same theory herself and prove me wrong yet again.
And there I was; hanging in the middle, thinking that did I really knew her?
Or was is just a mirage that she had created about herself; the mirage that was only meant for me to see and to believe on.
I guess I will never know the truth.

I believe that I didn't really came out of the turmoil of her mysterious personality.
She actually never wanted me to come out of it.
Never wanted me to truly know her.
And so, after she was gone, I decided to believe in the beautiful illusion of herself that she had created for me.

The person who was on the stage, came down to the backstage.
I braced myself and tried to calm down my fidgeting fingers.

The anchor said something.
I was hearing but not hearing at the same time.

"Carry on with CarryMinati!"

That was my cue.

I started having second thoughts.
Should I do this?
What if I just run away-
The crowd is massive-
I haven't seen so many people what if I freak out and-

Another text of her flashed into my mind.
But this text; it was meant for both of us.
She had typed, 'Someday we both will meet the happiest version of ourselves. And then, this...this all will be worth it.'

Are you happy, Ajey? Is this what you want?
I am happy. And yes, this is one of the many, many things I want. But let's start at this, shall we?

(Sometimes, talking to yourself really helps)

I placed a firm hand on my heart that was dangerously thrumming.
My heart that had been brave all along.
Yes, it had been scared too.
And at times, it had felt like quitting too, because it was overwhelmed.
But nonetheless, it was still there.
Beating and dreaming for me.

I took a deep, final breath and entered the stage.
The symbol of YTFF was shining bright.

She had promised that she will see me, although virtually.
She had said that she will always be there for me in her own silent way, till the very end.
I looked at the massive crowd that seemed to shriek.

This is what you have wanted, Ajey; wanted, dreamed, desired and deserved.
This.
You are going to live exactly how you have wanted to.

Ajey, your passion no longer cages you.
Now, you can fly too.
And truly embrace who and what you are without any regrets or doubts.
I have nothing but gratitude in my heart to what the world has offered to me.

The memories of the last few months flashed through my mind in a matter of mere seconds.
The passion, the fun me and my friends did at school, my and Yash's fights and light roastings, COD, texting her, listening to her playlists, taking that jump of faith and the doubt and excitement that followed.

The beauty of her; she gives you an illusion of herself so realistic that you don't know how to differentiate between the two anymore and when you try to seperate the two, you come to a dead end.
God, I love her existence.

I looked at the crowd straight ahead and smiled.
Smiled at the camera, my fans, my mom and dad and Yash and all the friends who were watching me from home and at the wide spectrum of opportunities my future held for me.
I smiled.
At her, too.

~~~~~~~~~THE END~~~~~~~~

Aah, well, now I leave it up to you all to decide whether it was a happy ending or a sad one :)

A simple 'thank you' will never, ever be enough for the immense gratitude and love that you all amazing readers have shown towards me as well as my book. No words will ever do justice to the feelings I have felt when seeing the total views on my story or when someone voted on any chapter or someone commented on the same.
Each and every comment from y'all made sure to elate my heart to cloud 9 and make my day much, much better.
You all have been nothing but beautiful hoomans while you waited for my updates and made sure to vote and express your views. I must say, you are the ones who boosted my confidence level and encouraged me when I was feeling a little doubtful about any part. Please remember, I won't ever  forget the feeling you all gave me with your responses and neither will I forget the immense love that you have shown towards me.
Ek writer ko aur chahiye hee kya? (´ε')

So, I am sending tons and tons of virtual love and hugs your way! You literally have no idea what each and every one of you mean to me! I love you all so fucking much! ❤

When I decided to write this particular story, I wasn't sure about the review it would get.
But I am so, so happy that there are fans out there who are willing to read not just the smutty, lovey-dovey fanfictions but also the ones other than that, because after-all, fanfictions does not only mean an fictitious epic love story, does it? (:

And I am so grateful, that my story was the one y'all chose :)

Another thing, I have something in my mind; maybe another fanfiction, but I can't promise anything now.
(and by 'something in my mind', I mean 8 pages of completely well thought plot of a fanfiction from the scratch till the end)

Even though I would love to dedicate my whole life to writing fanfications or stories, I am thinking of taking a break; cause my mind needs it even though my heart doesn't.
Maybe I will relax a bit, catch up on my academics and another stories which I left reading to complete this one ;)

Yeah, that's it for now.
Again, thank you so freaking much for giving my story a chance. I will always be in debt to y'all for you have no idea what place each one of you holds in my heart!

With love and gratitude which I don't think I will ever be able to repay,
Me ❤