My Improbable Theories On Her.

21. Epic Epistle.

-I have send you a
mail
-I started to write it
when you told me
about not giving the
exams.
-When I received the
screenshot yesterday,
I started writing about that
-So, it's kinda divided
into two parts
-So, please read that
and answer the
question that I have asked
at the end.

I did exactly like she had instructed.
A mail was waiting for me.

It was in a PDF form; because she crossed the word limit of the mail, I guess.
No, I was so sure that is the case.
Judging from what word limit she aimed in her blogs and what total count actually turned out, I am so sure that was the case.

Okay, why the hell was I so much excited?
Maybe because-
Maybe-
I sighed.
No, Ajey, you do not have any excuse this time.

I downloaded the file and started reading it.

Dear Khalid,

I know you said that you do not need anyone to say anything about the matter at hand. And although I tried to relieve myself of the fact that you said such an important thing to me by making you hear to the playlist closest to my heart, it just doesn't feel enough.
Somehow, nothing is ever enough with you.

Where do I pour out all the emotions and feelings I have wanted to tell you since such a long time?
I do not have anyone to tell such a personal thing. I didn't wanted to tell you about you yourself, because phir kaafi odd ho jata.
But again, who has ever listened to me except for you?

It really is astonishing that how-
Okay, wait, I just forgot what I was going to write.
Ugh, fuck it! I can't recall it!
So, let's leave it at this; it is really astonishing with you.
Everything is.
Somehow.

So, here I go:- Maybe I am writing this because the writer in me refuses to keep these feelings inside me without penning it down or maybe it's because you said that I need not say anything; because I can't obey you.
It's like I need to do the things that I am warned not to do.

So, Khalid, fuck the order that you gave me.

Now, stop smiling, you stupid fuck and read.

I can't promise you anything that is unsure, nor will I give you any false consolation that everything is going to be all fine and alright.
I know that you yourself won't appreciate such fake words of assurance, but even if you do, I won't say that.
Instead, I will tell you what I think is the reality.
It won't be easy.
Not at all.
And after your decision of not giving the exams, it might get even hell for you.
No, I am not scaring you; that is the last thing that I would want to do.
I am just telling you the truth, so please prepare yourself.

But you know what I am absolutely sure of?
That you are going to come out of any hard situation life threw at you.
I just know it; I can bet my life on this.
And you know why I think that?
Because I have seen your vulnerable side.
I have seen you cry and suffer and scream for what happened with you.
Of course, everyone has. Almost.
Your family, your friends, your fans; everyone.
They saw all your emotions naked when your channel was on the verge of getting banned.

But you know why you make me feel different from all of them? Much closer to you, even though we never met during all these months?
Because you chose to tell me about not standing up to what you yourself believed in.
Remember that day?