My Improbable Theories On Her.

14. A is for Abuse.

23rd October, 2016.

"Bhai kya mast nayi video. Mein toh puri fan ho gayi teri.", Zaida chuckled and leaned in.
I gave her a small smile and continued to gaze out of the bus window.
I was in no mood to joke around.

"I wonder if anyone could make a simple QnA video as funny as you!", she chuckled again.

I snorted and said, "Oh, there are far more talented people than me out there. I am literally nothing in comparison to them."

She looked at me intently, smiled a small smile, sighed and said, "You really love making videos. Don't you?"

I shrugged and said, "It's my type of escape.", and again looked out the window.

"Something is bothering you. I can see it. You have been like this since the last week. Kya hua hai tujhe?"

"Arey, kitni baar bolun yaar?! It's because of my channel. Nothing else, okay?", I clicked my tongue irritatingly.

"Dude, I can see it. You think of me as a fool? Anyone can see it. It's written all over your face, that something is nagging you. Tell me, no. Maybe...maybe we can sort it out together.", she said.

"It's nothing, okay?", I said shortly.

She sighed defeatedly and said, "As you wish. But please, sort it out. I can't see you like this."

I gave her a small smile, a simple sign of reassurance and looked down upon my joined hands.

I whipped my head back to her just as I realised something.
I noticed how her eyes turned from concern to curiosity as her thick, black eyebrows shot up.

Oh my God.
I remember.
A text flashed in front of my eyes.
"But please, I cannot see 'The Great Khali(d)' like this"

The exact same fucking words.
Zaida's voice cut straight and disrupted my thoughts.
"What? What happened?"

There can be no doubt.
A person can fake all that he wants, just to hide his true self from the world, but certain things cannot be hidden and his true self rises to the surface inevitably.

In this case, it was her concern.
Her concern for me.
And also Zaida's concern for me.

It was as if I again gained consciousness.
Before I could stop myself, my mouth spat out, "Are you okay? As in, are you really okay? Is something bothering you? Personal issues or something? Anything? Did someone upset you? Are you mad at so-"

"Woah, woah, woah, woah! Calm down there, buddy! Why are you asking such questions? Leave me, are you alright? You keep having these seizures, dude!", she interuppted.

I grunted in defeat and shook my head.
I needed something.
Just some small hint.
Zaida, just give me some hint, girl!

Obviously, I could not have asked her if she played games and all.
Just as she had said earlier, almost everyone played and there was no point in asking Zaida that.
But even if I had asked her, and assuming that she is her, she would have denied being a gamer, now that she is mad at me and all.
But, she would have easily guessed that it was me, KhalidjaMonday.

And even if she isn't, Zaida would have just thought me as a mental nutcase.
Not that now she thinks otherwise.
She might be thinking that I am some escaped mental asylum patient.

Ugh!
Can everything just stop being so complicated?!
I feel like I am being sucked and sucked and sucked into her mysteriousness.
And I could do nothing; nothing except let myself go deep and deep into figuring out whatever she is.