Ikigai

Lose

There are so many things I wish I could've said but at some point, my mouth seems shut.

Muted and unheard.

I would stand in the corner listening to all of you talk while I appear to be invisible.

Non-existent.

But that was okay.

 For years gone by and it was always like that. 

Me just being in the sides while you guys have the time of your life.

I would often wonder if I really belonged to your world but then I brushed the idea off because that would seem unkind of me. 

I can't help it you see. 

I'd talk in a brief moment to explain something I wanted to tell but you guys seem uninterested and would tumble back from where your last conversation ends. 

And there I knew. I was a nobody. 

Someone who's an extra. 

Someone who you don't really need in your own little world right?

I distance myself and guess what?

Nobody even notices or maybe they did but they don't care.

And so, 'till now I wander these streets by myself hoping to find the real me after all those lost years that I have wasted with people who don't see my value.

But I'm afraid, that in the process,

Of trying to find what really is right for me.

This time,

I really might lose myself.

Lose it all or not.

Who knows.