Clock struck 12, it is now midnight. Still, my eyes were wide open and so does my mind.
Fully awake.
I tried tossing and turning, finding a position that would put me to sleep but to no avail.
I just laid there on my bed, staring at the white ceiling above me.
Silence...
No, no thoughts were coming in inside of my mind, unlike before. I wasn't thinking of anything. No crazy thoughts, no screaming, no voices surrounding me. There literally is none.
My mind purely blank unlike when I could almost drown with my thoughts flooding me every second.
Only silence remains and one I wasn't comfortable with. This felt much louder compared to the voices I hear every waking moment.
Tick tock. tick tock. tick tock.
I heard the clock tick. Room empty, like my soul.
So I guess this is what it feels like to be a "normal" person.
Hollow.
None.
If I could go back to where I had all these voices inside my head, I would. Call it masochistic but they make me feel as if I am not alone. Not lonely.
Unlike now.
I might not have all these crazy thoughts like before, but the world seems lifeless an everyday struggle. Are we even living?
This is as if we are only surviving, and yet I can't do anything about it.
This is the only thing keeping me sane now.
One take of anti-depressant pill per day making my problems go away.... making me feel more human(?)
YOU ARE READING
Ikigai
PoesíaWhat does it feel to just exist? No more no less. You're just there existing. A display to be seen but never understood. Endless thoughts flooding your brains, questioning every move you once made.
