the story kicks off twelve years after the death of Beyoncé. The drama is far from over, there will be a bunch of twist and turns in this new chapter of Nicki's life that she will not see coming.
This is the second chapter of Don't Hurt Yourself, r...
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Nicki Minaj
Beyoncé left while I was sleeping to no doubt run to her warehouse. As amazing last night was I figured I would be waking up to breakfast in bed or her tangled up in that mane she calls hair. Nope, I woke up alone in empty suite with not even a note explaining why she rushed out.
I'm not even sure if the suite is still available to us, Beyoncé was the one who booked it. I'll ask the front desk after my shower, I'm sticky from last night. I don't even know how I fell asleep with honey still on my body. After I'm done I'll go pick up the kids and take them out to eat.
As much as I love having a little break from them, I miss my babies. I know for a fact they're driving my mom crazy, hell they drive me crazy that's how I know.
These past couple of months I don't know what I'm doing with my kids. I feel like I'm failing as a parent or maybe motherhood isn't cut out for me. I look at Solange and Lauren and they do so much better than me, even Wayne.
Maybe it's the way I was raised, my mother was never around and my father put his hands on me every chance he could. I don't know what a parent is supposed to do outside of what I expected my parents to do. I love my girls, make sure they have everything they need, they are beyond financially secured and loved. That's everything my parents never gave me and yet I'm still failing. I'm trying my absolute best her, it just doesn't feel like enough.
It feels like I'm lacking something but I don't know what it is. Maybe Tina was right, I probably was fast. Not in the way she was thinking but too quick to jump into motherhood. I was eighteen raising a child and pregnant with a baby. Everyone was there of course but majority of the time I was doing it all on my own.
I was dealing with Octavia going through another depressive state due to Beyoncé not being around on top of going through what went down at the supposed safe house. On top of that I had Bailey and no experience with a newborn. I didn't even take the class that gave you one of those fake babies to gain a little knowledge. Lauren helped but she was going through her own things. My mom was barely any help and Tina was out the picture. Tina wouldn't even hold Bailey after she was born, she didn't believe Bailey was Beyoncé's. Went as far as telling me she would harm my child if I left her with her. Solange was struggling just as much as I was with her son.
Robyn was there, I pushed her to have her own life but she was there.
Motherhood is definitely a struggle for me and I don't think it'll ever stop being one for me. I won't even be surprise if one of my kids resent me either now or later on down the line.
There's no point in plaguing my mind with these kinds of thoughts. I'll send myself crazy and fall over the deep end. I'm not my parents, I might be struggling but I'm not my parents. "Hey Onika."
"Hey mom...hey I'm on my way over to talk for a bit and pick up the kids. I'll be there in like forty minutes so can you tell them to get their stuff together."
