the story kicks off twelve years after the death of Beyoncé. The drama is far from over, there will be a bunch of twist and turns in this new chapter of Nicki's life that she will not see coming.
This is the second chapter of Don't Hurt Yourself, r...
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Beyoncé
The night we took Octavia home was hectic. She'll scream in her sleep until Nicki calms her down. Her voice was the only voice that could coax her out of whatever was troubling her. When she wasn't screaming she was quiet, not even barely even moving. This reminded me of when I first took her in, the sleepless night sure felt that way.
The doctor said this might be the after effect of her overdose. Nothing is wrong with her physically or mentally, so something else was bothering her. We were all at a lost, especially me. I felt useless. I can't do anything but stand at the sidelines while Nicki does all the work. I'm afraid to even talk to our daughter while she's awake. I know this wasn't all on me but I felt it was.
My actions contributed to this. I'm sure Nicki could've solve the situation ten times better than I could've, but no. I had to be impulsive, I had to put my hands on my daughter and throw her out. I'm the villain in this story, "she's down. Bailey is in there with her so she should sleep the rest of the night."
"Okay."
"You got that look on your face, I hate that look." She sat in my lap straddling my waist. I looked up at her tired face feeling my guilt even more. "You should've kicked me out, this all my fault."
"No this is that boy's fault as well as Octavia's, the drugs thing. Everything else isn't on anyone."
"He's a kid, they're both kids. Stupid as hell kids but this isn't on them. I should've figured she was on something, the signs were there. The shit I pulled..."
"Beyoncé stop, stop trying to blame this on just yourself. Because if you start spiraling I'm going to loose you again. I need you so please stop." She laid her head in the crook of my neck. I could tell she was just as scared as I am about this. Nicki doesn't even know the full truth and she's scared.
Oh you can bet I questioned that kid, it took everything in me not to put his mouth against a curb and stomp on his shit. This kid has been giving our baby drugs for months, and that wasn't even the bad part. The bad part was that she overdosed on acid before and the kid still let her do that shit again. Of all shit acid, that chemically created shit was deadly. It can't kill you but it can damn sure play a role in your death.
The kid was lucky I'm not the same person I used to be. Because not even Nicki was stopping me from what I wanted to do. "Your not going to loose me again Nicki, I'm right here. I ain't going nowhere, I'm just trying to justify this."
"Then stop. Let's not point blame and just focus on her, let's focus on getting her better. It's going to be hard, she's off her anxiety medication so prepare." She sat back up with this look in her eyes, "it gets scary. You'll feel like your not helping but you are. It'll take some time for her to recognize your voice in that state but know that she hears you."
"Was it like this when I wasn't around?"
"At first yeah. As she got older it died down, the panic attacks became less frequent, nightmares stopped. It took some time but she came around." This woman is amazing. She did all of that without being asked to. Nicki could've walked away from Octavia and I wouldn't have been mad at her about it. Raising someone else's child on your own was not something many could do. Truthfully I didn't expect her to even keep Bailey. So I was surprised when I learned she raised them both on her own, while she was just a kid herself. "You're amazing, you know that. Not many would've stuck around for that, yet you did."
