Glass Girl ~ Melix → Book 1

So Much Closer [CH18]

           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Felix~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Overdue?

 It..it can't be. It's impossible! Daizo would better be lying, or otherwise I've nothing. Simply, nothing. I've said this phase million times, but I say another million - I love her more that myself. I'm just so lost and confused of life meaning. I don't want anything else, I don't need anyone else - Just her. Daizo don't even know, how much the pain is burning inside me, as she only mentions her name. 

''How am I suppose to live without her?!'' I calmly shouted, touching my hurting heart. The pain was just ineffable awful and disturbing. Daizo is far away anyway, so she won't hear my yelping. Why would she even care anyway? She just wants me to stay away..

 Finally, I managed to pull myself back on, and stumble away from the door. Closing it, I began to link through the narrow corridor. Every single object I saw, I took some leaning. My crippled heart was just getting worse, every time I breath and live. Who would imagine, that living hurts? I can't imagine my future anymore, without her. I always thought that all the stuff they say, that love is the strongest feeling ever. I sort of agreed, but I did't thought it that much. But now, I know it is. It hurts - It hurts a lot. I not able to feel anything ordinary, I can't see anything, I can't hear anyone - Just me and my echo.

 Who do I think I am?

*---------*

 It's not rational, Felix. Why did you ever do so? I can't get it out of my head.

 Those were the sentences I kept in my mind. I couldn't just get them out of my head, as I either can't get her. It has just got even worse than never before. When Daizo came here, all the memories rushed into my head, and the miss just exploded. These were just one loony's thought. I'd love to get over this, but at the same time, I don't. I've said for my bros, if you want something, grab it - But currently it doesn't involve me. I've never felt this much attraction towards anyone, cared anyone this much, need someone so much closer. This is just my terrible fate, which I deserve. No one, no one can't hurt me as much as she does. 

 Could I do something else even more wrong? No!

 Stupid feelings. The world, where I never can't see her face, her beauty, her smile, is my terrible world end. I'd be sort of happy, if I could just see her smile and enjoying her rest life. She'd belong to me. But, as she have told me, it won't happen.

 I promised to never let go, but I did.

 I can't never accept myself to be proud of doing so. I'd love to just 'live' my divided life alone, fearing other people. I'm just gonna isolate away from the outside world. I'm afraid of myself. I can't let myself to fall in love to the another person - Even thought we all know that I won't. The interval is hurting me, even thought I don't know how would I react, if I ever saw her. I'd love to run away, but then I couldn't control myself and run back. But then, she'd just flee away, like a rebel. I wouldn't even wonder why. Who'd like to see a person, which had just ruined her whole life, depriving the freedom of life.

 Sitting lonely in the living room, I heard the front door opening. I don't even bother to lock it - I don't give a crap if I get robbed. Footsteps was echoing all around this little flat, as the wooden floor made it even more sharper. I did't even last long, as the door closed.

''I'm finally back!'' Lauren exclaimed exited, while messing around with the jacket. I didn't want to answer, as the rage and malice took the control.