The Big Secret

If he knew

How could I be so stupid? I willingly spent the night with my best friends worst enemy. I could never tell Conor and it definitely can not happen again.

"Morning!" Conor grabbed my bags "did Farrell get you home ok?" I nodded. "You do know hes married?" Conor walked towards the lift "no" my words barely audible "you didnt" I immediately shook my head. I felt sick, how could he? "What happened?" I shrugged "nothing he dropped me here and left" not a complete lie "good" Conor wasnt convinced.

"Checking out please" Conor handed the keys over, my head was spinning. Why would he even come near me if hes married. "Conor Murray?" The lady at the reception was mesmerised by Conor. "Mhmm" "all sorted and checked out" she didnt break the eye contact with him "thank you" I mumbled as Conor walked off. He was in a right mood this morning.

"What's the matter with you?" I ran over to the car as he pretty much stormed off on me "you last night. Flirting with Farrell? Not only is he the opposition, hes my coachs son! Hes so arrogant. I hate him" his hands tightened on the wheel as his voice got louder. "Nothing happened" I cant believe I'm lying to my best friend "like you said hes married. He wasnt interested in me. He was doing it to get to you" I want the ground to swallow me whole. I felt dirty like I've just been used.

"Well he got to me, yet again Farrell wins. All the time" he sighed and turned the engine on, speeding out the car park. This is going to be one long journey "I've got to go to Coachs house to pick something up" I closed my eyes hoping I'd fall asleep but no, my mind was doing over time. The drive was only 5 minutes after our coffee stop.

Conor left me in the car while he ran up to the door. "Murray" he stood there all smug in the door frame, how does he not even look a little hungover. "Farrell, just grab your dad" I could hear the annoyance in his voice "Dad! Murrays here" I tried to duck in the car "Hey Erin" how does he even have the cheek? I showed him a very quick awkward wave. "Hows your head this morning?" Owen walked towards the car "yeah fine" "last night" he whispered "dont worry, I know about your wife thanks to Conor" he looked very awkward "sorry" he ran back to the house.

"What was that about?" Conor finally got back in the car "nothing just wanted to make sure I was ok" he rolled his eyes. "Farrell the superhero". I didnt dare to say another word. This drive is going to be so awkward.

We were half way home, I'm regretting drinking the coffee. If I didnt drink it, I probably would have slept the whole way. The roads started to look the same, beauty about driving in Ireland is once you're out of the main city its countryside for miles. "I'm sorry" Conors words broke me out of my day dream "it's fine" I didnt even look at him. "I'm just worried he tried something! He's one to stay away from, even marriage cant tie him down" I couldnt work out the tone in his voice.

"Well it didnt and I'm a big girl I can look after myself" i snapped. "I know, but I cant bare to see you get hurt, especially by someone like Farrell" I rolled my eyes, he seriously cant get over his feud with Owen. "It doesnt matter, nothing happened" he reached over and put a hand on my arm. I immediately snatched my arm away.

"I'm sorry Erin! You're the only person I have, i cant loose you again!" I turned my head "You'll never loose me, I freaking live with you! Couldnt get any closer than that" I didnt know whether to laugh or scream at him. "I care about you Erin" "I care about you too Connor, you're my best friend" he didnt say anything after that.

The rest of the car journey we shared a few laughs reminiscing about school. "Home sweet home" I've never been so relieved to see this town. I grabbed my bags and went straight to my room. Throwing myself on the bed.

I grabbed a towel and headed straight to the bathroom, sitting in the shower while the water just poured on me. How could he do that? How could he not tell me hes married? Why would I do that to my best friend? Why is there so much anger between the two of them?

My thoughts were broken "you alright in there? You've been in there half an hour" Conor knocked the door "yeah I'm fine, be out in a minute" I wiped my tears and quickly washed.

I put on my tiger onesie and lay on my bed "can we talk?" Conor knocked at my door. "Yeah what's up?" He sheepishly lie down next to me. "You know earlier?" I didnt want to talk about it again. "I love you dearly you know that" I nodded "but I cant bare seeing you with other men, I dont want to see you hurt" I dont know where this conversation is going.

"I've always thought it would be us" I widened my eyes at Conors blushing cheeks "you're like my brother" "I know, but theres always been something for me. I dont want to make this awkward but I wanted you to know" I nodded "I'm sorry Erin" "I'm just glad you're honest with me" he nodded and got up.

"Conor" he stopped "I'm not saying I never felt it" he started to show a smile "but you're my best friend and I cant ruin it. Promise me you wont wait for me" his smile faded but he nodded. "I'll always love you Erin no matter what we are" my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. He left my room and I suddenly felt lonely and the thoughts started running through my head.

How can my best friend love me? He wont love me for much longer if he knew.