twisted beautiful things

xxvii. baby

xxvii. baby

'i'm on the run with you, my sweet love

there's nothing wrong contemplating God

under the chemtrails over the country club

wearing our jewels in the swimming pool

me and my sister just playing it cool 

under the chemtrails over the country club'

(lana del rey)

>>>

kennedy

The waiting room is cold.

The fluorescent lights above us blaze into my eyes and I blink rapidly to urge the black spots away.

The floor is tiled, blue, white, and teal green squares. The sounds of the hospital rush around me, like the sound of phones ringing and gurneys being pushed, coughing driftin down hallways. A girl on the opposite side of me is currently puking into a blue bag, looking like she's going to faint at any moment.

I focus on my surroundings, instead of the increasing amount of worry that's being mounted on my head.

Julian. Nova.

And something else.

It's a lingering suspicion, but definitely there. But I have to deny it because how in the world could this happen twice to one person?

What are the odds?

I'd been on birth control. Atticus and I were always careful, he knew how important that was to me.

And yet I still have this gut feeling that all our preventatives have failed. I'd been feeling sick and dizzy, all day. I'd thrown up this morning. And even though I tried to tell myself that no, this couldn't happen again, the growing worry never left my shoulders.

I'd wanted to talk to Nova first. I needed her to be with me when I took the pregnancy test, because I couldn't do it alone. Again.

But then we find out through the news that two teenagers had crashed into a ravine on the side of Blackberry road. I knew instantly it was them, because I recognized Julian's car, and I knew that's where the two had gone that evening.

So now I'm worrying for the lives of my two best friends, and possibly another life inside me.

I glance up at Atticus; he's chewing on the inside of his cheek, eyes flicking up every once in a while when a nurse passes.

I want to tell him what I'm thinking. I want to tell someone. But not right now, not when we're all fearing the worst. The car was a wreck on the news, and it would be a miracle if either of them walk away without any life-threatening injuries. And surely if they were okay, the nurses would have told us already. But all they'd said is that they're not finished with testing, but they weren't very thorough in their explanations.

Ne, Amir, Atticus, and Gianna all sit quietly in the waiting room for news. We're still waiting on her mother; apparently she'd been in a meeting, probably doing damage control due to her long unexplained absence. When she'd hear the news she dropped everything is currently on her way.

I bite at the skin on the side of my thumb, tapping my foot anxiously on the tile. I hadn't realized how loud it is until an old lady from across the room says,