He, who made you a princess

Chapter XXXVIII

~ for you i will ~

    I felt my chest break open, as if all the blood pumping into and from my heart exploded and ripped me apart. I tried my very best to stay standing, with every strength I got, I kept my feet planted on the ground. And then my head rang, a noise that nauseated me to the ground.

And then I heard my little girl scream. She called for me over and over, and her cries felt more painful than the initial cleaving in my chest. Because I couldn't answer, even when I could hear her. Right next to me she cried and cried, sobbed and wailed.

I have never heard her cry like that...

And then I lost vision when I corrected myself. Of course I have. In the memories that came to me, she cried just like that, many, many times.

All by herself...

Nobody. Nobody was there for her... And that was my fault. Because I let it happen, because I am truly, truly weak.

I tried to protect my most precious family, my only one, thinking that I could, when I couldn't.

And because of it, an innocent child was left, alone in the dark.

My daughter...

I know. All you wanted was someone to be there, even if it's only sometimes. And a family would have been the most wonderful to be that person, right?

I know...

I wanted that too.

I found it in my brother, and I tried desperately so that I wouldn't lose it. I was foolish...

I should have taken responsibility and cared for your mother. Instead I just left her be after I've removed her from your uncle's path.

Even though she was carrying you.

I was foolish.

I was weak.

I wanted to rest after I believed that Claude would be fine.

I was foolish.

I should have just ran away with you.

I knew that your mother wouldn't make it. Not with that much black magic within her, within you...

But you were born, and I should have held you when you were. I should have heard you cry the first time and shared your tears with you because you lost your mother.

And that was my fault.

I was foolish.

I should have apologized to you, even if it's unforgivable, I should have said sorry...

I was foolish, my daughter.

Because I refused to look at what I left behind, even when I survived. I kept looking away from you, thinking that you didn't need me. That you would be fine.

That I was unaffected.

I was foolish Jennette.

Even though my heart swelled when you first smiled at me. Even though I had to fight my tears when you first called me daddy...

I should apologize to you now too. I should say I'm sorry... Because I couldn't come earlier, because I can't stay later.

I'll have to do it again, my love. I have to protect those I love, and I love you the most. That's why...

I'm sorry.

But, this time, I'll do it right. I won't run away. I won't leave any regret. And I promise, this time...