lonely heart || cth [slowly written]

Chapter 1.

Presently

"You can't stay here alone" I heard my aunt Ruth's voice coming from behind me.

I was standing by the window in the living room, looking out over the street in my neighborhood, it was so peaceful here. The void that prevailed outside was comparable to the one I felt now in the depths of my soul, it was hidden there for a long time but now it was more felt than ever.

"For many years I took care of myself and my mother, why I shouldn't be able to cope now?" I turned to face my aunt.

"It's not the same situation Caitlin" she paused for a moment, then continued "your mother is going to rehab tomorrow, you can't stay here alone, you're only 17 years old."

"I'm almost 18, six months left until my birthday"

"It doesn't change anything, you know it"

"And you know very well that I am not going to live with my grandmother"

I wasn't close to my family. I never met my father and for my mother as long as I can remember always more important then me was bottle of alcohol. I rarely saw my grandparents. The only person close to me was my aunt, unfortunately she was a photographer, she traveled very often, so we practically did not see each other at all. She called me during Christmas or my birthday and when I had a problem, she was always the first person I turned to for help or advice.

"Well, you won't stay here either. Soon you will go to college, you will be an adult then and only then you will be able to decide about yourself and so far for these six months I decide about what you will do" she crossed her arms on her chest, leaning against the door frame.

I walked over to the couch and dropped onto it hopelessly, studying my aunt's steadfast gaze.

"I'm fed up with the hell my mother prepared for me, why do you have to do it too?"

"You know I wants the best for you"

"If that's the case why are you making me do something I don't want"

She went silent. Her eyesight softened. She walked over to the couch and sat down next to me.

"Soon you will be able to start over, leave it all behind and focus only on yourself" she took one of my hands and hid it in hers "I know that it wasn't easy for you, if I could take you to my place.."

"So do it"

"I can't. I travel a lot. Soon I'm starting a new job with a musician, I'm going to Europe"

I took my hand from her grip. I tilted my head back, staring up at the white ceiling. I felt the weight next to me, which was clearly felt a moment ago, began to slowly disappear. I looked towards my aunt, who was already standing staring down at me.

"You should start packing, I told grandma that I will bring you to her tonight"

She took the two glasses from the table in front of the couch and started walking slowly towards the kitchen. I'm not gonna let it all end like this.

"I have a proposition" I fired quickly. My aunt turned to me, with a questioning expression on her face "I will move to grandma, I will graduate from high school, but after my birthday I want to join you"

"Caitlin ..." she began, but I cut her off.

"No listen to me, you said yourself I will turn 18 I will be able to decide about myself, so I want to do it"

"What about college?"

"I will go there.. someday for sure, but now I think only about closing this chapter of my life"

After the expression on my aunt's face, I could say that she had some doubts.

"You can teach me photography, so maybe I will not be such a burden for you. I don't know.. I beg you to agree.. you know that I will do literally everything to get you to agree to my terms"

I was close to despair. I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of her. I didn't want her to think that I was so pathetic, but I was on a border that no one would want to be.

Ruth took a deep breath. The silence that had prevailed for a long moment was becoming more and more unbearable.

"Okay" she said softly "I agree" she added in a normal tone.

I smiled slightly, walked over to her slowly, and wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her lightly against my body. I felt one of her hands against my back.

"Thank you" I whispered, stepping back.

"Go start packing before I change my mind" she joked.

I just looked into her dark eyes then headed upstairs to my room to start packing my things.