lonely heart || cth [slowly written]

Chapter 2.

Four months later

"Sweetheart, someone for you" I was lying on the bed when I heard a voice coming from the lower level of the house, loud for such a small woman. It was my grandmother's voice. I was a bit surprised because I had no friends or a boyfriend, I was rather a loner type. Who could visit me? I wondered. Still I got up and put on a thick sweater that was lying on the floor by the door of my room because I was a little cold and then headed downstairs.

There was no one at the front door. I stood halfway up the stairs looking around. After a short while I heard my grandma calling from the kitchen.

"We're in the kitchen" she said louder than usual.

She probably heard me coming down the stairs. It was a fairly old house. The floor sometimes creaked when you stepped on it. Stairs where making the same noise as the floor.

I continued walking towards the kitchen. As I stood in the kitchen door I saw my aunt sitting at a large rectangular wooden table and my grandmother was standing at one of the kitchen worktops, preparing something. When our eyes met my aunt smiled slightly at me.

"I'm making tea, do you want some?" grandma asked me when she saw me in the doorway.

"No thanks" I replied quickly.

I admit I was a bit surprised to see my aunt. She should be on tour with some musician, so what was she doing here? I was supposed to join her in about a month right after my final exams. Has she changed her mind? Too many questions started to form in my head, each of them so far unanswered. However, I decided not to get overwhelmed by thoughts. I moved towards my aunt, she stood on her feet and then straightened her arms in a gesture to come up to her and give her a hug.

"What are you doing here?" I asked a bit confused as I walked away from her.

"Nice to see you too" she laughed softly. Ruth sat back down in her seat and I sat across from her, resting my crossed forearms on the surface of the table.

"Shouldn't you be in Europe now?"

"I should'' she sighed "but my employer had serious health problems and he had to cancel the tour so he didn't need me anymore'' she pushed back strand of dark curly hair behind her ear that was resting freely on her face "he has terminated the contract with me so here I am"

"So what now? Are you left without a job?" I asked.

"Well.. it seems so" she stopped when grandmother put a cup of hot tea in front of her. She looked at her, sending her a grateful smile.

"Don't worry, you will find something else soon" grandma said, placing one hand on Ruth's shoulder, squeezing her lightly.

"So I understand that you are here to tell me that our deal is off? I directed the question to my aunt.

Ruth and grandma exchanged glances, there was a brief silence.

"Maybe I'll leave you alone so you can talk in peace" grandma looked at me, then at Ruth again. She took the second cup of hot tea that was on the counter and left the room leaving my aunt and me in the silence.

"So?" I asked overwhelmed by a combination of confusion and nerves.

"I admit the situation is a bit complicated but I don't cancel our deal"

I was slightly relieved to hear my aunt's words but still felt uneasy.

"I'm confused, what will happen now?"

"I don't know yet, but you will graduate from high school like you said before and then we'll see."

"Great plan.." I said with a hint of irony that Ruth noticed.

"Look, I really didn't know that this is how things would turn out.. But if what you told me about learning photography, if you really want to learn this profession, you know that I will help you" she put the cup down, leaning towards me looking straight in the eyes "but I have to know one thing, do you want it or was it just an excuse to let you go and agree to your terms"

To be honest, up to this point, I never really thought about who I wanted be in the future. I mean what kind of profession I wanted to do. On that day when I proposed this deal, I wasn't thinking too seriously about photography. Ruth was right in part that I did it just to get her to agree to my proposal but I was at a point in my life where I wasn't sure about anything, well I'm still not sure. I was ready to try my hand at this industry, even if I don't like it or I'll not be good enough at it, fuck it. I can quit at any moment and keep trying to find my place in the world. I had nothing to lose.

"I really want to try this" I replied after a long moment of thought.

"Okay then, I'll help you"

I didn't know where all this would take me. All the decisions I was making but I was hoping for something better, something more worthwhile.