lonely heart || cth [slowly written]

Chapter 15.

Four months later

I was sitting on the gray sofa, loud music was playing in the background. In my hand I had a red plastic cup half full with alcohol. I looked at the glass door leading outside but all I saw were the reflections of people who were in the same room as me. I looked at the blonde who was sitting next to me, talking to some other girl.

Looking around the room for a few seconds I kept my eyes on people I knew. I felt lost. I lowered my eyes and looked inside the cup I was still holding. The drink had a pleasant amber color like hot tea on cold mornings. I didn't really like alcohol, mostly because of my mother and what it has done with her. At the mention of my mother I felt a surge of sadness and nothing cures sadness better than good alcohol I thought and then lifted the cup to my mouth, drinking all the contents at once.

Today I had one of the worst days. Everything had seemed fine for the past few weeks until my aunt's call yesterday. Ruth had gone over to my mother's house to check on her, well she found her asleep on the couch in the living room with three empty bottles of wine on the table. The rehab clearly didn't work. I thought that she would finally stop drinking and pieces together her life. Even though I honestly hated her for what my childhood was like because of her drinking, still she was my mother I wanted the best for her.

Feeling my thoughts starting to overwhelm me more and more, I got up from the couch, intending to go to the kitchen for another refill of alcohol today.

"Where are you going?" Crystal asked stopping her conversation with the black-haired girl.

"I'm going to kitchen to get another drink" I replied.

"Another? Maybe you should slow down a bit" she said, fixing her hair.

"I'll be fine" I replied and then moved in the direction I was heading before.

***

I was standing by the island in the kitchen, browsing through the bottles of alcohol, looking for the one with the most percentages. When I was reading another label of a colored drink, Nia nervously burst into the kitchen, whispering something under her breath.

"Fucking asshole" she said, putting her hands on the island. I looked at her in shock, still holding the alcohol bottle in my hands. She didn't seem to care about my presence. Just as I was about to speak, another person entered the kitchen, this time it was Calum. We both looked at him.

"Fuck me" she said, tilting her head back. However, after a short while she looked at me and then at the bottle I was holding "are you gonna drink this?" she asked pointing to the alcohol.

"Probably not.." I said, still confused by the situation "you can have it" I added pulling the bottle towards her. Without hesitating, she took it, giving me a crooked smile. Calum held out his hand toward her as she tried to pass by him.

"Don't touch me and don't talk to me" she moved away from him, avoiding his touch. As she left the kitchen, she drank some alcohol from a bottle. The boy ran his fingers through his black hair, sighing at the same time.

"Rough night?" I asked, breaking the silence, then I reached for another bottle looking at the label pretending that I wasn't a witness of their argument.

"It looks like it" he replied as he approached one of the kitchen's top leaning against it.

"Do you want some?" I asked when I finished pouring my chosen drink.

"No, I think I have enough for today" he replied, crossing his arms over his chest. I looked at him slightly tilting my head with the gaze saying "you know you need it" which turned out to be effective "okay, but just a little" he added.

I turned, taking a new cup from the counter and pouring the drink into it. I put the bottle back in its place, then took my cup and walked over to the boy, handing him his drink.

"Thanks" he took the cup from me and looked into my eyes. His eyes were slightly red. They were the same as that night at the hotel "I'm going to smoke. Do you want to come with me?" he asked breaking our eye contact.

"Yeah, why not" I replied and we both headed for the door leading outside.

***

Calum took a blue packet of cigarettes from his jacket pocket along with a black lighter. I stood beside him, silently looking at his hands.

"Can you hold it" he hold out the cup I had give him earlier, without thinking I took a plastic item from him. He took out one cigarette, placing it between his lower and upper lip and lit it. He put back packet of cigarettes and the lighter in his pocket then exhaled smoke, taking the cigarette between his index and middle finger.

"It will kill you one day" I said handing him his cup and taking a sip of the alcohol myself.

"I know but I honestly don't care" he took a drag on his cigarette again, as he were exhaling the smoke, he took a sip of alcohol. I smelled the familiar smell of cigarette smoke and the alcohol that brought my thoughts back to my mother again.

"So what happened between you two?" I asked, trying to push my thoughts away.

"It's nothing. Ordinary fight as it happens in relationships"

"She seemed quite pissed off, don't you think" I said.

"She'll get over it. It's not the first time and it probably won't be the last either" he seemed not to care about what had happened. Maybe he were like that, he ignored the problem until it got really big or it was alcohol that made him indifferent. I looked away, looking through the windows to the inside of the house. My attention was caught by Nia, who was sitting with Crystal. Her head was bowed and her fingers were entwined in her hair. Crystal was stroking her back saying something to her, she looked quite devastated.

"I doubt it" I said without taking my eyes off the girls. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Calum look at me, then shifts his gaze to the same place where I was looking.

"Shit" I looked at him. Calum walked over to the wooden table that stood not far from us. He put out the rest of his cigarette in the ashtray "I'm sorry I have to go to her" he said quickly and then went inside, leaving me alone outside. I sighed, turning my back completely to the windows.

I decided to lay down on one of the two sun loungers, holding the cup with alcohol still in my hands, resting it on my stomach. After a few minutes I felt my eyelids becoming heavier and heavier. I felt that I was falling asleep. In the background I sill could hear the muffled sound of the music.