Dichotomy

Mindscape

My head remembers the feeling of absolute joy, the feeling of my heart swelling...

The only thing my heart remembers, and seems to fester in, is the dull ache of memories and the daggers beckoned from the unseen.

Who to trust?

Who truly.

There's no handbook, and the fascination and misconception of such is blissfully naive.

Is there a word for this?

My head knows I should feel, but even the words of 'I love you' seem so hollow...

How do I know you mean that?

How do I know if I?

Certain things peek through the veil of shadow shrouded in pain and suffering:

A smile of a child

The laughter of a loved one

A melody

The surety that I'm alive despite a self inflicted objection.

How can I feel?

Why don't I feel?

This numbness is... odd.

Not cold, not warm, but seemingly void.

The void that sits and rests in my chest, that stifles even the smallest bit of--

I'm tired. The games have become boring, and the world has lost the shine I used to be drawn to.

I'm content being left alone, slowly ever so slowly drifting away, may the sweet kiss of death finally grant me some form of respite from the turmoil that plays in my mind, chokes my heart and brutally murders my soul.

I'm tired.

I mean no harm, I see to hurt no one, leave me to die, leave me to wither

Leave me to cry,

Leave me please...

Mock me if you wish,

Laugh and point if you must,

I'll be fine.

I've hurt no one, I just wish to be left alone.

Leave me out of your games of chess to win my heart, leave me out of your games to contort my mind, leave me out of your battle for my soul.

You've won, I'm down, beaten like a dog, submission is cold, but the only thing I seem to be able to comply with.

Just leave me alone please, If I die, then I no longer have reason to live, I no longer have meaning

If I ever had that in the first place.

I'm tired, you won, please now just leave me alone.