Chapter 23- Fuck My Brain

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I want my dad back, I would really love if he could just call me, and tell me he's still alive.

Ya know why? BECAUSE MY FUCKING MIND DECIDED HEY WHY NOT GIVE YOU MORE TRUAMA, TO GO WITH YOUR PTSD. SO YA KNOW WHAT IT DID???

Totally didn't just replace my parents in the car crash, with Chris. Because why would it do that? I wonder why my own brain, my OWN subconscious, would just say hey, let's make your current parent the one that you love and trust die in the same way that your parents did.

You know what's the worst part, that I fucking can't talk to anyone. I'm stuck in my grandparents house, and I don't wanna bother them in the middle of the night, I can't call my dad because I don't need him getting worried.

Paddy is sleeping, I hope, he's 5 hours ahead of me so it would be 9 am for him. Ya know maybe he is awake. I hope so, let's just text him let's see what happens. Because I need a distraction.

Hope:
Hey Paddle 🏓☺️

PADDDDDYYY:
Aren't you supposed to be asleep?

Not that I'm not happy to text you, I love texting my girlfriend, just concerning when you have to be asleep and you're not

Hope:
Rude, doesn't even say hey back✋

PADDDDDYYY:
sorry let me try that again

Hey wanna be stripper

Now tell me, why are you fucking awake?

Hope:
Reasons

And you will be my distraction, now my lovely boyfriend what shall we talk about?

PADDDDDYYY:
Go

To

Sleep

Again I love texting you, but sleeping is good for your health

Hope:
Ya know, you're not very helpful

PADDDDDYYY:
Okay, I say this one more time, why are you awake?

Hope:
Uhm- reasons

PADDDDDYYY:
Okay then, go to sleep, text me when you wake up, and then if you want we can talk about those reasons and if not, I'm making you stick to a normal sleep schedule

Hope:
Jokes on you, I just got on spring break, and my sleep schedule will be broken for the next 2 weeks

PADDDDDYYY:
Sleeeeeeeeeepppppp

Hope:
Fine but only out of spite

PADDDDDYYY:
That works

Hope:
😑🙄🙃

✨Offended✨

kay well that didn't work. Here's my thought process, don't tell anyone how you feel, because you're a dumb piece of shit that should be over it. But you're not so you're a fucking baby.

Now what would my father tell me, I imagine him saying something along the lines of "you're worth it, and no matter how long you think it's been, it's still gonna be with you, what you need to do it let it die out, tell it shhhhhhh, and no matter what come to me, and I'll help you through it" that's what I imagine he would say.

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