Chapter 42- Deal

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Okay so today i have to talk to my father, it's been like almost a week since i've cleared things up with paddy. Everything is slowly dying down, and I'm good with that. We just have the rest of this month, and then we leave in june. Then I have no idea where to go but I'm pretty sure we're gonna go to Boston for like 2 days to get more things packed, possibly different wardrobe and get everything that I didn't wear in LA.

I should probably ask, anyway, guess who had a day off. My father, and guess what we decided to do? He decided to take us to the beach. Apparently he had grabbed one of my swimsuits and put it in his bag that he  brought.

Good thing is he got the long sleeve one, which I'm very much thankful for. What i am not thankful for is how fucking cold the water was, and the salt water. I mean I have no open wounds, but it tastes disgusting, and I regret every moment of that. Meanwhile I was over here drowning. My dad was having the time of his life.

YOU KNOW HOW, BY RECORDING ME DROWNING. It's honestly so rude of him, honestly. Pretty sure I legit did like a whole ass backwards somersault, after that I got out because I no longer wanted to participate in the activity. I also had sand everywhere and I hated it.

Okay so maybe over exaggerating not about the drowning part, that actually happened and my head started hurting. I could not find my balance to get up, about the hating part. It was a fun day, I mean not many people go to the beach during covid on a weekday, so I mean not many people were around.

After that, I got changed to different clothing that once again my dad chose. Thank god he didnt get me pants to change into, and instead brought one of my skirts. I mean its way easier to wear than fucking pants. We went out to some diner that was close by, I got to have an oreo milkshake. It was great, after that I think both of us were pretty tired and relieved when we showered. I showered second since both of us knew it would take longer.

After I showered, we decided to do a movie night, and that's when exactly I decided to talk to him about it.

¨hey dad, can i talk to you about something?¨

¨whats up?¨

¨Am i allowed to cuss a little bit?¨

¨Is it a serious topic?¨

¨Kinda¨

¨Then yeah. I'll make an exception¨

I just took a deep breath, it's just my dad, just my dad. I can talk to my dad comfortably, I should not be scared right now.

¨Can we come to an agreement about the daily checks?¨

¨What about them?¨

¨I know theyre for my own good, I know it is, but it's also irritating and harmful when it comes to people I love. I know it shouldn't be, but every time you do it, it feels like you don't trust me to tell you anymore which I hate that I ruined, but that makes me feel as if youre not letting me have control over my actions. Because if i know you're gonna check me of course i'm not gonna do it, but i should not do it even when you don't check me you know? It just makes me feel as if I don't have any  control anymore. I don't know if that makes sense or not.¨

He looked as if he was in deep thought, and the worst part is he was just keeping a straight face, which ya know scares me even more. I like it better when he shows emotion because then otherwise i can make up no conclusion on what he is thinking.

Chris POV

It was a fun day at the beach, I feel like both of us needed it. It was probably horrible on Hope's end, but it was great for me.

After showering, I just layed down. I was thinking over this whole LA trip, and thinking about whether I should tell Hope about what I knew before flying from Boston. If I tell her I know she's gonna flip, but everything else going on it seems pretty minor.

I mean it wouldn't matter anymore, since she found out anyway. I just dont think it would be a good idea. Thinking about Hope, I still have no clue who leaked the video, or how they even got it. The original person who sent it is dead. The other person who knew about it is locked up, and the cast deleted it as soon as they could.

So now I'm just confused on how anyone else would've gotten it, it's not exactly my forte on how to find out and I know Hope would've even tried to find out because she's traumatized by everything. I just feel bad that a 16 year old has to go through all of this. She should be worrying about college, and growing up. Not thinking about how her life could be over because of the decision of an intolerant shit head who derserves to be locked up.

When hope came out of the shower, I patted the side of the bed and she came and sat. I put on a movie, but she said something that to be honest I had been expecting for a while. I just didn't know when she was going to ask.

I didn't know what to say to her, on one hand I kinda felt guilty for making her feel untrustworthy, but on the other hand I feel as if she is gonna do it again, which is what I am scared of.

I know she'll believe in herself if she does it on her own, and she always somehow gets it under control, but as time went on she also proved that if things get horribly bad, that that's her autopilot. I don't think she's always aware of when she does it, but when she does see the blood, the only thing that maybe I'll never truly know is that she feels regret right when the blood flows or only feels regret when she gets caught.

That's my thing, especially since she's trying to hide more things, but knows that she shouldn't. I was just confused with my own thoughts, the only thing bringing me back to reality was the sound of Hope´s phone ringing.

¨who is it?¨

She didn't answer me, she just left right outside the door, but left the door slightly open for me to know that she wasn't going to leave.

Hope´s Pov

¨Hey buddy whats up? Why you calling me at night?¨

¨I had a bad dream, and daddy isn't here and mommy is asleep, and I know mommy's password.¨

I could hear that he was sniffling, I think trying to stop himself from crying.

¨Hey buddy don't hold in the tears, or else you'll get a headache, just let it out and then we'll talk.¨

¨what do u do when u have bad dreams.¨

¨I tell my dad, and he helps me. Maybe you should wake up ur mom since she's actually home, okay buddy.¨

¨okay.¨

He hung up after that, I just groaned, and went back to sitting next to my dad.

¨I won't do anymore checks, but this is the last time i'm telling you and please let it sink into your very stubborn brain. I don't care where I'm at, what I'm doing, or where I'm at, if you feel tempted or if you need to talk, I am always here for you. I will always be here for you no matter what. You know that you are my top priority, and you´re health no matter mentaly or physically is important to me. So no more checks, but if you do it again and you didn't tell me or i find out from someone else i don't know what im gonna do, but it's gonna be something.¨

¨Deal.¨

After that we both continued watching the movie, and to be completely honest I don't even remember falling asleep.

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