Can't Help but Love Him

Can We Stay Like This

     I had left Axel numerous texts apologizing, but I didn't get any response. 

     For the first time in a while, I felt cold. I hadn't realized how much I needed him. It's that what made me realize; I wasn't very stable. Charlie, Gorge and Owen were distractions. I loved them very much, of course, but I used them to fill my head with noise. Axel was an anchor. He grounded me, made me feel whole. My head could be quiet with him.

     Now, my head was quiet and he wasn't here. All I could hear was the voices in my head telling me what I'd done wrong. I shouldn't have yelled at him, I shouldn't have left.

     I gave up on sitting in silence, and got up to do my homework. I put in my headphones, listening to calm studying music. It was a nice distraction, plus I liked math. Solving math equations was pretty satisfying. 

     I didn't even realize it was getting dark outside, music made me focus on my work. I was dead in the zone, when I felt an arm slide around me. 

     "A-Axel! I'm sorry! Wait, I promise I'm not just going on with my life after what happened, I tried texting y-" He interrupted me, bursting into laughter. As confusing as his reaction was, I couldn't help but feel relieved he was here. 

     "You were overthinking again, weren't you? Well, I guess this one's on me. I did make it pretty confusing." He chuckled, pulling me closer to him. I'm sure he had no idea how much it comforted me. I leaned in, putting my face against his chest. My head was quiet, but I could only hear his breath as it rose and fell.

     "Don't worry, I know you didn't just forget about it. Math problems calm you down, right? Weirdo." He snickered, patting my hair down. I had a million questions; where he had been, why he didn't answer my texts, why he was still in his school uniform...

     "Wait, where did you go?" I asked, sitting back up to face him. He watched me for a moment, hesitant. I waited for his response, steadily growing worried. 

     "I'll tell you tomorrow." He decided, pushing my head back into his chest. "Hmph." grumbled, letting him know I wouldn't drop it. He let go of me, scooting to the edge of the bed to get his bag on the ground.

     "You wanna watch a movie?" He asked, rummaging around in his bag. "I even brought snacks." He pulls them out, handing them to me. I hold the crinkled bags in my hand, looking at the crumbs that were probably once biscuits. 

     "See? They crumble way too easily." He mumbles. A tear streams down my cheek, but I wipe it off before he can see it. "Yeah, I guess they do."

     We spent the rest of the night watching old classic films, most of them containing Leonardo DiCaprio. Axel refused to eat his biscuit, so I scarfed it down for him. I was glad Axel was staying in London for spring break, I don't think I could handle not seeing him for two weeks. I felt incredibly safe with him, no matter what happened.