Cerca - spanish word means NEAR
Mika
It's been three weeks after I had a sleepover in Kiefer's condo unit and we became a constant text/phone calls buddies. I can say, little by little we are getting closer to each other. I found a new friend in him. Someone I can talk to if I needed to breathe from all the dramas and chaos of my life. Kiefer is a good listener and adviser as well. He can turn a serious conversation to a light one and made me smiled and forgets everything even for a while.
Narealized ko nga kya siguro dami din naghahabol at nagiging interested na girls sakanya kasi kahit makulit sya, ang lalim nya mag isip. Actually, naiinggit nga ako sakanya kasi same lang kami ng age pero ung maturity level, ang layo ng agwat namin. Pero naiintriga ako sakanya kasi base naman sa characters at attitudes nya ang dali mo mafofall sakanya. Why he can't have a serious and steady girlfriend? Di ba sya nagsasawa ng papalit palit? Grabe sya.
Although we constantly exchanging messages and phone calls, ironically we don't still see each other. Our closeness are just tru phone. I made sure to myself to avoid all his invitations to hang out with him. And I think Kiefer understands my situation coz recently he hasn't asked me to go out with him aymore. Well at least, nakahinga din ako ng maluwag na friendship lang talaga kami. The truth natatakot na ko mapalapit sakanya personally, kasi ewan ko ba bakit parang may kakaiba ako napifeel sakanya. I just met him just two or three months ago and obviously it's always unexpected. But my feelings suddenly changed whenever he's around. Shucks! What are you doing to me Mr. Ravena?
Today another busy day. More cases to handle that needs for further studies and evaluation. And as a resident Psychologist at St. Lukes BGC, I'm used to it. It's just funny that I, a license Psychologist can handle and understand a behavioral disorder of a person but me I can't understand my own self. Honestly, I have lots of what if's and how about's. Lots of doubts and uncertainties. Hay!
I'm in my work place when I received a message from Kris, asking me if I'm free tomorrow coz he wants us to have a dinner date. I don't know what got into me but I turned it down. After our last conversation I seldom response into his messages even phone calls. Di ko lang alam kung manhid talaga sya na masama loob ko sakanya or wala talaga syang pakialam sa feelings ko. Sabagay ganun naman talaga. Never naman sya nanuyo sakin noon lang nung nanliligaw pa. Kapag nagkakaproblem kami or masama loob ko and he thought na di nya kaya ako ihandle, he will ask for my Dad's help. Si Daddy ang kakausap sakin para ayusin ung gusot namin. I thought Kris is the sweetest guy I've met aside from my Dad. But unfortunately, mali pala. Our first year being boyfriend - girlfriend was seemed pretty normal. He made me felt that I'm special and well taken care of. But as our relationship gets longer bit by bit it's starting to be boring. Iniisip ko na lang mahal nya ko at mahal sya ng parents ko kya love ko din sya. Haist! If I can only change everything in my life in a snap I will definitely do it now. But I can't. This is the life that I needed to live. I just go with the flow and make myself believed that I'm happy.
Kiefer
Today as usual, practice and trainings. By next month the season for PBA well going to open. I needed to focus once again especially our team was the champion last season. Another tough season to compete and depend the crown. But despites of endless tiring trainings and practices I felt more inspired and pumped up. Honestly, even me can't explained why I'm always excited and inspired. I was thinking maybe because of Mika. Well I'm happy that we became closer even tru phone. At least I can still talk to her. Know her whereabouts and life. The truth I want us to be more than that. I'm willing to chase her but she's the one who's really not interested onto me. For her, it's just purely friendship. Di pa man ako nakaka damoves nabasted na agad. But I need to respect her decision. Ang sakit lang pala na di mo makuha ung gusto mo. First time that a girl made me felt that she's not that into me. First time napahiya ng isang Kiefer Ravena. First time na kung kelan iba ung epekto sakin ng babaeng eto. But I need to move on. Need to think of another way to be with her!
