Blue || Bucky Barnes

46. We Need To Talk

Leia feels the familiar tightness in her chest rise and she instantly struggles to breathe. The hyperventilating starts and she tries to choke out his name.
"B-Bucky!" She manages to mutter and she hears feet running.
Bucky runs into the hut and sees her in a state of panic.
"Hey, hey, look at me. It's alright, no one's gonna get you I promise." He pulls her close and tight. She tries to control her breathing but there's nothing she can do. All she can do is wait it out.
"Shhhhh." Bucky hushes her quiet sobs until she calms down. He strokes her hair gently and slowly lets her out of the embrace, but keeping her at arms length.
"You okay?" He whispers.
"Yeah, thank you. I love you." She says.
"I love you more." Bucky grins kissing her softly. The sensation lingers on her lips.
"But Buck, you're gone... how will I get through these without you?" Leia mumbles, sorrow falling on her shoulders.
"I'll never be gone." He whispers.
"Yeah I know you'll always be in my heart but you're go-"
"Leia, I'm not gone. You just need to figure out a way to bring me back." Bucky's words puzzle her.
"What?" She says but her eyes spring open before he can answer.

The room is lit by the full moon coming through the large window. Her chest rises and falls at a steady pace as she sits up in the bed. Loki lays on the other side, out cold. Leia runs her hands through her hair breathing out. She dreamt of him again. But this time it felt so real for some reason. She could feel his touch. She could feel the panic attack. She could feel his kiss. Leia brings her fingertips up to her lips and has to hold the tears down.

She jumps up and walks out onto the balcony. The cold air hugs her limbs and cools her fiery head. The stars are as bright as the moon which light up the whole sky.
Who is she kidding? He's gone. But god does she miss him. So much. Her heart aches as a few tears drip onto her hands which hold the railing. He's gone and there's nothing she can do about it. Nothing at all.

Leia misses him more than she realized up until this point. She misses Steve too. Even Nat and Wanda. And she never thought she'd say this but Sam too. But mostly Bucky.
She rubs her temples trying to stop the tears forming in her eyes. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Eventually she walks slowly back inside and crawls back into bed. As she drifts off to sleep her mind is clouded by Bucky.

-

"I love you." Leia says.
"I love you more." Bucky grins kissing her. She feels the sensation lingering on her pink lips.
"But Buck, you're gone..." Leia feels the sadness settle on her.
"I'll never be gone." He whispers.
"Yeah I know you'll always be in my heart but you're go-"
"Leia, please don't forget me. I'm not gone. You just need to figure out a way to bring us back." Bucky's words puzzle her.
"What?" She questions but wakes up from the dream before he can open his mouth.

Leia sits out on the chair on the balcony in the middle of the night. Her mind wanders contemplating the dream that she's been having the last several nights. It's always the same thing, but their setting varies slightly.

'Leia, please don't forget me.' How could she ever forget him. He's the love of her life. She'll never forget him, her heart isn't physically capable of such an act.

But more than that, there's another sentence that keeps replaying in her mind as she watches the stars float through space. 'You just need to figure out a way to bring us back.'
She can't even begin to fathom an explanation to why Bucky would have said that in her dream. But one thing she finds is that for the last four nights he'd said 'to bring me back', but tonight he said 'bring us back'.
Is he trying to tell her something? No that's impossible.... Well... crazier things have happened. Leia pinches her forehead in confusion. He's gone. He's not coming back. Nothing more. Nothing less.

"Hey, are you alright?" Loki's voice penetrates the silence and Leia practically jumps out of her skin. She clutches her heart, steadying her breathing but it just increases. She's never had attacks this constant before. With Bucky she might've had them every couple of weeks, but without him they seem to come more frequently.