Fight For Something (Josh Ramsay Fanfic) (Mature)

Chapter 37 - Everything

***BEFORE READING. I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE. I have skipped a chapter that was very important. Therefore, I am dumb. GO READ CHAPTER 36 AND SO ON FOR EVERYTHING TO MAKE SENSE IN THIS CHAPTER AND THE OTHERS. I am stupid and sorry but it'll make sense and just forget this has ever happened! BUT PLS READ FROM CHAPTER 36!!
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Chapter thirty seven - Everything

*Hope pov*
Josh has been pacing for the past fifteen minutes now and I've been watching him walk back and forth. I didn't tell him to stop. That would just make it worse. He needs to deal with it his way. I stayed sitting in the chair with my legs to my chest and the back of my head resting on the wall.
Hospitals are cold.
My eyes are heavy and I keep dozing off for about a minute then waking up with a shock and that image of Faith laying on her bed and not waking up. I rubbed my face, avoiding my makeup and huffed along with a yawn.
Josh stopped pacing at the end of the row of chairs and Matt came up to him and gave him a guy hug, parting each other on the back. They started a conversation but I couldn't tell what they were saying from over here. I just kept looking at Matt, his face was a little red, looking like he ran all the way here. He obviously still looked cute with his jeans, dark grey tee and backpack over his one shoulder.
Matt looked at me but his expression didn't change from when he was looking at Josh. He said something about me, something like 'What about Hope?', but I couldn't make it out exactly. Josh and him talked for another minute and Matt asked Josh something due to him nodding. Matt patted Josh on the arm and made him sit down. If I did that he would probably argue with me.
Matt walked over to me and dropped his bag on the floor. I extended my legs to the floor and sat up a bit.
"How're you?" He asked, kneeling in front of me and resting his hands on my knees.
"Fine."
"You didn't sound too fine over the phone." I looked at him and we both stared at each other for a while.
"Oh." Was all I said.
"It's ok to be scared or sad. I know you don't like showing it but," He paused. "It's ok." I shrugged and Matt just stayed there, looking up at me, almost like he was waiting for me to do something. I was just going to sit there but I ended up throwing myself onto him with my arms tightly around his neck, almost falling right off the chair. I hid my face by his collarbone but I didn't cry. I'm not going to cry because what's the point?
Matt held me tightly. He was warm, almost to the point of sweating but I don't care, he still smelt good. He gave my back a rub.
"Why're you so cold?" He asked.
"Ive been sitting here, doing nothing forever." I mumbled into his shirt before I let go of him and sat back on my chair. He gave me a smile. "Why're you so warm?"
"Well, when you take the wrong bus after you figured out your best friend is in the hospital and you're trying to get there as fast as possible," He unzipped his backpack. ",you kind of stress out and start speed walking everywhere." I smiled and giggled a little. Matt took out his sweater from his backpack and wrapped it around me, helping me put my arms through the sleeve. It was big on me but that made it even warmer. "There." He said quietly and chuckled. "You look tired." I nodded and he smiled. Matt is always smiling when it comes to any occasion.
He leaned closer to me and my heart jumped as he kissed my forehead. I held in my giggle. I could feel my face get hot as he sat beside me. I zipped up the sweater and crossed my arms to keep my body warm. Matt wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I leaned on him and accidentally fell asleep after my heart calmed down.
-
I opened my eyes and felt something heavy resting on my head. I looked around without moving much but I remember where I am, why I'm here and who's on my head. I saw Josh sitting beside me and he was wide awake, vibrating his right knee non-stop. I took my hand to scratch a small itch on my nose but realized Matt was holding a couple of my fingers. It was too late and I moved, waking Matt up. He took his head from resting on mine and he looked down at me.
"Sorry." He groaned and stretched, taking his other arm from around me. Matt leaned forewords and rubbed his eyes. I looked at Josh.
"Sherrie come out yet?" I asked and he nodded. "What the fuck?" I said a little too loud. "Why didn't you wake me up? She's my sister? I need to know how she is?"
"She came out and told us what she knew and it's the same thing we know, it's fine."
"Were you awake for this?" I asked Matt.
"Yea." He told me innocently.
"Oh my god, you guys could've told me."
"Hope..." Josh started to say something but he stopped himself.
"No, it's fine." I stood up and decided to go for a walk. The halls had a couple nurses walking up and down, people in wheelchairs and a couple doctors with clip boards. I hate hospitals. They're so creepy. Just think about all the people that died. I guess i shouldn't be thinking about that.
Why didn't the guys wake me up? I don't care if I was sleeping or not, I have the right to know what's happening with my sister if it's new or old information, god dammit.
I walked slowly for a while and turned down the hall. My stomach jumped into my throat as I bumped into someone.
"Jesus Christ." The guy mumbled. I looked up and it was Matt. "Hope, what're you doing?" He took me beside the vending machine out of the way from everyone else. "I know that wasn't about waking you up." He told me with a small chuckle.
"I'm fine." I told him but I covered my face with the long sleeves of the sweater, feeling like I'm going to cry.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry...
I could feel my eyes start to fill with salt water and I started to feel the warmth from Matt before he even hugged me.
I hate crying. What's the point? It's stupid, the thought of water coming out of your eyes and your face going deep red is stupid.
But I did. I cried and I could feel my cheeks heat up. Matt rested his head over my shoulder and held the back of my head as I stood there like an idiot. Matt was going to let me go but I didn't let him move away from me. I just need someone to hug and shield me from this embarrassment.
Matt looked down at me and rested his forehead on mine. I closed my eyes, maybe that will stop the fucking water from streaming down my face. Matt leaned closer and kissed my cheek, giving me a tight squeeze.
I don't care. I still look like shit and this crying thing needs to stop. I stayed with my face buried in his chest before I could breath normally. I pushed away a little and wiped under my eyes with the sweater sleeve.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, wiping again.
"No need to be sorry, ok?" I nodded and Matt gave me one last time hug. I wiped my face and sniffled.
"I'll be right back." I told him.
"I'll be right here." I nodded and walked down the hall a little and followed the small bathroom signs. I found a public bathroom and walked inside, locking the door behind me. I looked at myself in the mirror and almost scared myself. I took some paper towel and soaked it with water and a little of the shitty soap they had beside the sink. I wiped my eye and face just wanting 100% of the makeup gone. It's not like it's making me look any better right now.
I washed my hands and huffed, leaving the bathroom. I saw Matt down the hall eating from a small bag of Doritos from the vending machine.
"Want something?" He asked.
"No, I'm ok."
"You want something, I know you do." I shook my head. "Yesss. Pick something." I glared at him. "Or I'll pick it for you." I rolled my eyes and looked through the vending machine. I pointed at the real fruit gummies and Matt put in his change then pressed B4. They fell to the bottom and I kneeled down to grab the bag.
"Thanks." I said with a small smile. I fiddled with the bag as Matt and I walked back but I didn't bother to open it. I sat beside Josh and Matt sat beside me. It was quiet between us besides the crumpling paper sound coming from the bag of fruit gummies in my hand. Matt took them and ripped the bag open and took one before giving the bag back to me. I was going to say I'm not hungry but kinda already used that excuse.
I started nibbling on some of the small gummies. Not much later I saw Sherrie come from down the hall and Josh shot from his chair. I leaned foreword on the edge of my chair as she came over here.
"What's happening? Is she ok? Is she awake?" Josh babbled and Matt stood beside him.
"She's not exactly awake right now. The doctor isn't saying anything negative either so I'm guessing she'll be fine." Sherrie told us. Josh looked relieved but not fully.
"Alright." Josh took a seat beside me again along with Matt.
"You kids shouldn't be here, you should be at school right now."
"Do you really think we would be able to focus after getting a call like this?" Matt pointed out.
"No, guess not." Sherrie sat beside Josh and silence built.
"I should call Mark." I mumbled to anyone that was listening.
"Yea." Matt agreed loosely. I didn't really move, I just sat there. I shouldn't bother him, he's probably in school, busy doing stuff... It was quiet between all of us. We sat there for a while and I didnt bother to call Mark, then Sherrie got up and went over to the nurse counter. Matt, Josh and I all watched as she talked. The doctor looking man came over to her, touched her arm softly as they talked and they started walking. Josh jumped from his chair and started following them. I stood and Matt followed behind me with his hand on my back.
I could see Sherrie and the doctor down the hall with Josh speed walking to catch up with them. They went in a room and I'm guessing she was in there. That's good though, this means she's going to be ok. Yea. Yea.
I stood in the doorway and looked at Josh staring at Faith on the bed. She's so still and drained from her natural colour like she's not even here. An IV was in arm with other tubes and wires which I have no idea what they are. Josh sat in one of the chairs beside Sherrie and his head fell into his hands. I didn't know what to do. Sit down, stand here, run, scream, cry, I don't know.
Matt stood beside me, staring in the room then over to me.
"I'll be right back." He nodded and I walked down the hall to the pay phone. I pushed in a quarter and dialled Marks number. It rang and rang along with no answer. "Hey Mark, it's me, Hope. Um, I'm at the hospital right now. Something happened to Faith but I'm ok. You don't have to come but I just wanted to let you know." I paused for a moment. "I'll talk to you later." I hung up the phone and stood there, filing my thoughts in my head. I sat on one of the chairs in the hall, not feeling like going into that room.
I sat there, wanting to just go home. Is that bad? I love her but it's too much.
Matt came and stood in front of me, holding out his hand.
"C'mon." I shook my head.
"I'm ok."
"No, we're going home. I already told Sherrie." I stood up, ignoring his hand. I kept my head down as we left to the bus stop. Anywhere but here will do.
-
I unlocked the door to the house and walked in with Matt following behind me.
I hate busses.
I hate everything.
I kicked off my shoes and Matt shut the door behind me.
"Do you want-"
"I'm just going to go upstairs." I told him, already making my way upstairs. I didn't hear him say anything. I went upstairs and threw myself in my room, closing the door. I pulled off my shirt, throwing it on the floor along with my pants. I dropped to my bed and my head fell into my hands. I rubbed my face and groaned, feeling like complete garbage. 100% garbage.
I took my towel and headed to the bathroom for a shower.
When I came out I heard Matt talking downstairs. I couldn't tell if someone was here or he was on the phone, but I kept walking to my room. I put my iPod on my dock and Sum 41 was put on shuffle. I changed to sweats and a tank and crawled on my bed. My phone had two unread messages from Mark.
'Hey, are you ok? Where are you? - Mark'
'Are you still at the hospital, I'll make my way there now. - Mark'
I decided to call instead of wasting time texting.
"Hello?" He answered.
"Hey."
"Babe, you still at the hospital? I'm going to come now."
"No, I'm home now." I told him. "I'm ok, you don't need to come. I'm just tired right now."
"Are you sure?"
"Yea, I'm sure. No need, really. Matt's here keeping me company. I ok."
"Ok, well, I'm going to call you later, ok?"
"Yea, ok." I said.
"Bye."
"Bye." I hung up, laying back down on my bed with a huff.
-
I didn't realize I was sleeping until I woke up with Matt's face in front of mine. My eyes were heavy as he smiled and brushed hair from my face. I closed my eyes again, not wanting to do anything. I could tell Matt laid beside me now by the dip in the bed but rolled to my other side away from him.
"I'm not in the mood." I mumbled in a stern tone I didn't really mean to use.
I could feel myself being angry. Not at Matt but just at the world, just at the situation, just at life.
I almost fell back asleep but Matt interrupted with playing with my hair.
"She's be ok, you know?"
"I know."
"You don't have to worry about her."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"I just don't want you to worry. I know you're angry." I didn't answer. "I know what she did scared y-" I quickly rolled over to face him.
"Matt, stop. Did you hear me? I don't want to talk about it."
"I can hear fine but-"
"No!... Please."
"I'm scared too." I didn't interrupt. "I know you are, I'm not dumb." I looked at him straight in the eyes and he was telling the truth. "My best friend just tried to kill herself, of course I'm scared. I'd think there's something wrong with you if you weren't." Pause. "She felt alone and I just don't want you to be." I slightly smiled. "I'm your friend so I kinda want you to feel loved." I nodded and rolled back over. Maybe I can ignore him now.