My Best Friend, Jazz

chapter 1

Chapter 1

                Unless this is what happiness felt like, I was not having a good day.  Once again, here I was.  Lonely.  It was the only feeling I felt anymore. 

                Ever since the breakup, I've been unstable.  Every time I'm by myself, I get this feeling.  No one wants me.  No one cares.  Then I found out my "best friend" was using me and so was everyone else at school.  She told me myself.  I got to thinking.  What's my purpose?  Why am I even here?  I've been in a depression for as long as I can remember.  Even when I didn't know what depression was, I had it and didn't realize.  Now I know, and the world just seems so cruel.  No friends, no one to lean on and trust.  I cry myself to sleep every night.  No one knows what I'm going through, and yet they continue to use me as they always have.  I put on a happy face around others.  They don't suspect a thing.  Sometimes people ask how I'm doing.  I tell them I'm fine since they don't care.  They're asking just so they can say they were being nice.

                I put the cap back on my pen and closed my composition notebook.  Tears threatened to spill out of the corners of my eyes.  I tried to blink them away, but it was no use.  They fell effortlessly.  I set my pen and book in the passenger seat of my car and leaned back.  The seat felt as though it was shaping around my body and the seat belt got tighter, as if it were hugging me.  This is where I came when I felt like this, which was every day.  Somehow, it felt as though I were with someone when I sat here.  My car was the only thing that gave me comfort anymore.

                Even though it felt silly, it kept me sane.  I patted the steering wheel softly in gratitude.  The car didn't have feelings.  It wasn't a person.  But yet, it felt like one to me.  It always had this strange warmth around it.  It gave me comfort.  I loved my little Pontiac Solstice.  Pontiac may be out of style, but this car is my pride and joy.  I loved it with every fiber of my being.  I wiped the tears away from my eyes and took a few deep breaths.  After that, I shifted the car to drive and pulled away from the curb and onto the road. 

                A few minutes later, I came to the first of two red lights in town.  I set my elbow on the door by the window and leaned my head against my fist.  I watched as a police car drove up next to me.  The seat stiffened and the seat belt got tighter.  The engine started to grumble.  I looked to the front of my car in confusion.  Nothing seemed wrong.  Perhaps it just needed to cool down.  It had been on for a while.

                Once the light turned green, the car started going on its own.  I quickly regained control and shook my head.  That was strange.  Maybe I needed to take a look under the hood when I got home.  What was I saying?  I knew nothing about mechanics.  I was a technology person, not a grease monkey.  I took my time driving the rest of the way home, testing the gas and brake pedals every now and then to make sure they weren't sticking. 

                I decided everything was fine by the time I got home.  It was just something that happened by chance, nothing more.  I pulled into the driveway and drove down the long, rocky road to my house.  I drove it next to the garage and put it in park.  I couldn't actually put it in the garage since my mom's car was in there.  It was technically a two car garage, but it was a really tight squeeze.  We thought it would be better like this.  I opened the door to the back seat and grabbed my book bag.  I slung it onto my shoulder and gently closed the door of the car.

                "Man, this thing weighs a ton!" I said tiredly.  It had been a long day at school, I was glad I was home.  Once I got to the door, I fumbled around inside my purse for my keys.  "Where'd they go?"  I sighed and set my backpack in front of the door.  I walked back to my car and opened the driver door.  I looked in the passenger seat and turned my head and looked in the back seat.  They weren't there.  "How do you lose keys that fast?" I asked myself.  The car suddenly started dinging.  I looked at the ignition and saw that my keys were still there.  I smiled and took them out.  I closed the door and began walking back to the garage entrance of my house.

                I stopped suddenly.  Why did my car start dinging so suddenly?  I slowly turned around and looked at it.  "Electrical problem," I sighed.  That would probably explain what happened with the gas.  I would come out and take a look in a few minutes.  It couldn't be that different from computers, right?

                I went back to the house and unlocked it.  I went to my room and set my book bag and purse on my bed, and went back outside.  I felt around the front of the hood and popped it.  I pushed it open and propped it with the metal rod.  I looked around at everything. Hmm.  I was thoroughly stumped.  The engine did look pretty cool, though.  I touched something at random and a shock was sent through my body.  "Crap!" I yelled.  I jumped back, breathing heavily.  After a moment of calming down, I went to my mom's car and popped the hood.  I compared it to what was in my car.  They were nothing alike.

                What was in my car was much more advanced even though my mom's car was several years newer.  It didn't make any sense.

                "Well," I sighed as I looked at my car's engine for the tenth time, "this makes no sense.  Completely illogical."  I shook my head.  "I can't do anything."  I closed the hood and patted it.  "Don't worry, I'll get you taken care of."  I went back to my mom's car and closed the hood. 

                I went back inside and lied down on my bed.  I stared up at the ceiling and slowly fell asleep.