christian dior | lil peep

10. cross my heart and hope you die

tracy
drinks @ the castle tonight?

gus
i'm down
tracy
u can bring kennedy if u want

gus
i'll ask

"kennedy" gus called to me "yeah?" i asked, laying on his couch. "tracy wants to go to that new club tonight, you in?" he asked me. "uh yeah sure" i said , same old same old but whatever. i'd only met tracy the one time, but i was looking forward to properly meeting and hanging out with his best friend.

gus
she's coming

tracy
dope
tell her to bring a hot friend

"tracy says bring a hot friend" gus said, we both laughed. "addison is my only friend here and she's a little, uh, independent if you will" i said. "well better get ready" he told me, vanishing back into his bedroom presumably to also get ready. i followed him into the room, digging through the small stash of clothes i had collected at his place.

"what do you think of this?" i asked, holding up a royal blue dress with an open back. "it's nice" he said. gus seemed kind of out of it. "you good?" i aksed him. "just really fucking high" he said, rubbing his forehead. "oh, okay. be careful with that shit" i told him. i'd smoke weed from time to time but gus was way more into shit than i was. "i'll take it that i'm driving? or do you want an uber?" i offered. "uber's fine" gus said, starting into the wall.

i helped gus down the stairs and into the uber vehicle. "did you tell tracy we are on our way?" i asked gus. "yeah" he said. "don't fucking puke in here" i mumbled. we arrived at the club, i could see tracy waiting for us by the door. i waved to him to grab his attention. "hey guys" he said, finally noticing us. "ah damn no hot friend" tracy said to me "sorry about your luck" i told him, chuckling a little.

gus, tracy and i sat at the bar. after gus had a drink in him he seemed to perk up a little, whatever was mixing in his bloodstream right now gave him some energy. "it feels like the first night we met" i told him "yeah it does" he said, waving the bartender over "can i get a tom collins?" he asked, handing him a bill. "thought i'd recreate it a little more" he said, handing me the drink he bought me the first time we met "i love you so much" i said, "love you more hun" he said.

gus and i put a few more drinks down, "i'm not feeling great, going to the bathroom" gus said, suddenly standing up. "oh okay, text me if you need me" i told him. i watched him hurry through the crowd, leaving me and tracy. "so how's the boy been treating ya?" tracy asked me, "really good" i told him. "that's good to hear, i know he definitely gets in really really bad down spells but he's seemed the happiest he's ever been since he's been with you" tracy said. so i wasn't the only one who noticed the depressive state he was constantly slipping in and out of.

tracy seemed genuinely nice, i could tell he was a good friend who cared about gus. "it's been like 20 minutes do you think i should go check on him?" i asked tracy. "meh it's gus, shoot him a text. he'll be back in less than 10" he advised.

kennedy
babe you okay?

it's been a while

"no answer" i told tracy, checking the time on my phone 5 minutes later. "we can go take a look for him then, i won't let you wander around here alone. guys are creeps." tracy said "oh, thanks" i said, that's nice of him. we made our way towards the bathrooms. there was probably just a long line or something.

"ah shit" tracy said, noticing before i did. once again i was faced with the sight of some random bitch hanging off of gus. they both looked fucked out of their minds. he had his hand on her ass, kissing up her neck. i stood in shock, the music and the noise of people going completely silent in my head. "gus man, what the fuck?" tracy asked, pulling him off the girl. gus noticed me standing there, giving me a pathetic apologetic look. he looked back to tracy, "she came onto me man. fuck" gus said. without thinking twice, tracy threw a punch right at his face. "you're a fucking idiot man" tracy told him. "what the fuck man?" gus asked, reaching his hand up to his bleeding nose. "you're an absolute hoser, you deserved it" tracy told him.

"kennedy, babe—" gus said, stepping towards me. "i don't wanna fucking hear it. why'd i ever think you would fucking change? fuck you gustav, fuck you" i said, turning and rushing towards the door. tracy and gus both followed me outside. we got outside, i stood there , looking coldly at gus. the blood from his nose was now all over his hand and running down his neck and arm. we still stood facing each other, no one wanting to say the first word. "i've never heard silence quite this loud" tracy said. "shut up man" gus snarled at him.

"do you have anything to say for yourself?" i asked, finally breaking the painful silence. "it's not what i looked like babe, please, i love you" gus said. "not what it looks like? bullshit, that's what everyone says" i didn't buy that for a second. "kennedy please, i'm not in my right fucking mind right now, she came onto me, i don't know what i was thinking" gus said to me. "you weren't fucking thinking" i said. i probably looked completely crazy, screaming at a bloodied up guy, my eye makeup running down my face from crying.

"i don't wanna hear you speak another word, i don't want to see your face again. bye gustav. for real this time. this is the last time you'll ever see me, don't contact me again. we're over" i screamed at him, all of my emotions pouring out. "i'll take you home, where's your car?" tracy asked, turning me away from gus. "it's in his fucking parking lot" i said, agony in my voice at the thought of going back there. "i'll walk you there and drive you home" he told me. "that's a lot of walking" i told him. "i've got legs for a reason, and you need someone right now. i'm sure as hell not letting you walk that far alone at night"

"thank you" i said, hugging him. at least one person had some sort of kindness in them. tracy took my arm and walked me away from gus. i didn't look back, leaving gus standing there in the cold, dark, nighttime air as he watched me walk away for the last time.

"i'll take care of him, he doesn't know what he lost" tracy told me. "i always do this to myself" i said, "do what?" he asked. "i trust people way too easily, i always end up getting myself hurt over and over and over. i always think people are gonna change. they never do" i said, still crying. tracy walked me all the way back to my car and drove me home in it. it hurt just looking at gus' building.

"thank you for everything, i owe you one" i told tracy, once we arrived back at my place. "don't worry about it, text me if you need anything" he told me, hugging me before he left. i stepped back into the apartment, addison looking up at me from the couch. "kenny, love, what happened? where's gus?" she asked, immediately coming over to me.

"there is no more gus, he fucking cheated on me" i said, my anger turning into complete breakdown sadness. "fucking prick" she muttered. "let's get your makeup off and some pajamas on and get you into bed okay?" addison asked me. "yeah" i cried, i didn't even know what to do with myself right now. i should have known better. i sat helplessly, crying while addison wiped the makeup off my face. "go get changed, i'll make you a tea" she said. i walked sluggishly back to the bedroom, putting on whatever pair of sweats i could find first.

addison came back with two mugs in her hand, handing me one. i got into my bed, she sat beside me and gently rubbed my back. "do you wanna talk about it?" she asked "not really" i said, i was hurting too badly right now. cross my heart and hope you die i thought. what was wrong with me? i gave him everything. what was so much better about some random homewrecker at the club?

a/n

what's the tea the girls are fighting

thanks for the love on this book, love u guys

chapter question: tell me a random celebrity crush u have, or a few. i'll go first: hayden christensen specifically in revenge of the sith, thomas gibson #dilf, mgk also yung gravy