The Nerd [BXB]

37 𖠇 Ask Me For A Poem

   "You're not planning on hitting the back of my head with a hammer and dumping my body here, are you?"

I glance around the cornfield he has brought me to, watching the leaves reach so high that anyone could get lost between their stems. That is the point, though. Every Halloween, they turn this cornfield into a maze filled with cobwebs and people dressed in scarecrow costumes to chase visitors around. I only came here once with my mother, but never went inside the puzzling field.

"Not when there's a witness around," Harvey replies.

I look at him and follow his gaze. He's staring at a rabbit nibbling on the grass between some bushes, eyes clearly on us. I laugh and nudge Harvey's shoulder.

"What if this is some sort of allegory?" I tell him, taking a step close to the entrance of the maze. "That life is a maze where the objective is not finding an exit, but ourselves."

"You really are a writer, Theo," Harvey says, planting his hands in his pockets and leaning on the hood of his car. "Want to go in?"

I look over my shoulder. "We are already here, so might as well."

He walks up to me and taps my shoulder. "Friendly reminder that there's no signal here."

   "Wait, what—"

   Before I can ask him anything, he sprints into the maze without looking back at me. I try chasing him, but he's too fast for me to catch up. Either that or I'm out of shape—or both.

   "Harvey!" I call out for him amongst the walls of corn surrounding me. "We should do this together."

   I finally hear him not far away. "No, Theo. This is a journey you take alone."

   "Oh, please," I say, taking a left turn. "Are you doing this because of the comment I made earlier about life being a maze?"

   "I'm doing this because it's fun." He's farther now. "Don't take life too seriously, Theo."

   "Ease up," I whisper to myself.

   Although the tall corn shields me from the sun, the heat is suffocating and making me sweat in places I shouldn't be sweating. I consider taking my hoodie off, but I much rather cling to it. By now, I'm sure Harvey must be running shirtless with no self-consciousness about his body.

   For a slight second, the thought of bringing Oscar here crosses my mind until I comprehend my error. He can't be here with me. He wouldn't want to.

   I rid myself of such thoughts and try to distract myself by finding the exit to this green maze. But my trying isn't enough because he is engraved in my mind. I'm lost in life as much as I am in this maze, finding an exit to my pain or finding a path to reunite with my old self. The Theo that was careless about love and hadn't met Oscar yet.

   "You're good," I mutter, feeling trapped when I can't find the exit. "Harvey!" The panic rising in me forces me to start running with no direction, just wanting to leave this place.

   "This maze is harder than I thought," Harvey says.

   I wipe sweat from my forehead and proceed running. "Come find me, Harvey. I'm lost." When I take a quick turn, my shoes slide over the ground and bring me down. I instantly wipe my clothes after standing up, leaning on my knees, and taking deep breaths.

   "Are you okay, Theo?" I hear Harvey ask.

   I continue taking slow breaths. "I think so."

   Am I okay? My anxiety had been gone for years and now it's back to haunt me. And although I find it tough to admit, I blame Oscar for it. He has weakened me in ways I shouldn't be. His name is constant in my brain, bringing a shallowness to my chest that I can't fill in with oxygen no matter how many deep breaths I take. How is it possible that someone that made me so joyous is also capable of making me feel so miserable?