BACK AND FORTH (𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘺)

eighteen

Fixing something that has been broken takes an awful lot longer than the actual act of breaking. This is something that Ponyboy has learned many times with Steve. He didn't mean to mess things up so much, but he was still new to these feelings.

The only time he had ever felt so intensely he had his heart ripped out and thrown away. But he was trying, at least, at what more could he do than to try?

He sat on the couch reading a book, home alone, when Steve walked in. "Ponyboy..." Steve said, sounding surprised. He awkwardly rubbed his arm. "Your brother's home?"

Pony took a second to recognize that the situation was strikingly similar to that first day that Steve extended the olive branch.

This time, however, he looked up from his book, before shaking his head no. Steve tilted his head and eyed Ponyboy thoughtfully. The younger teen wondered if he too was getting a sense of deja vu.

Steve sat on the couch next to him. "What about Two-bit?"

"No. He's not either."

Steve hummed. "Just us then, huh?"

"Yeah." Pony shut his book, not even bothering to bookmark his page. "Um, do you maybe want to," He swallowed, trying to muster up the courage to ask. "Maybe want to go to the Dingo or something?"

Steve looked away and stood up. "Maybe next time. Tell your brother I was here, okay?"

Pony let out a breath and nodded. "Yeah. For sure." He watched Steve walk away, again, and felt mildly sick to his stomach. He couldn't keep on like this. "Steve wait!"

He stopped with his hand on the door knob. "Yeah, Pony?"

"Don't go. Please." His voice wavered a bit. Steve turned around and made eye contact, which Ponyboy hated. It made him feel vulnerable. But he pressed on in spite of the fear. "I know I messed up. I know I messed up a lot. But I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't know that you cared about me like you do. Or, like you did, I guess." His breath hitched. "I don't know how to make this better. But I miss you, Steve. I miss you and hanging out and...and kissing you. And seeing you try so hard on dates. and just getting to know you."

Steve bit his lip and looked down. "Yeah, I miss you too."

"Can we please start over? I won't run. I won't leave you hanging. Not this time. I promise."

Steve sighed and took a step towards Pony. "Ponyboy,"

"Please. I can't take this anymore. It feels like you're walking on egg shells whenever you see me." The teen walked towards Steve as well.

"Ponyboy, we can't start over." He sighed lightly. "But we can pick up where we left off?"

Pony stared for a second before letting out a surprised laugh. "Yeah, yeah we can do that. I'd love that." He nearly threw himself into Steve's arms when the door opened, revealing Sodapop.

"Oh, hey Steve!" he looked at Pony. "Am I interrupting?"

"No, I was looking for you, actually." Steve smiled a walked over to greet his best friend. "Want to hang out tonight? We're both off."

"Oh," Soda gave him a half smile. "Two-bit and I already had plans, sort of. I'm sorry."

"Two-bit? Really?"

"I was actually just coming here for a change of clothes. But we'll hang out soon!" Soda rushed off to change and entered the living room again to say good bye, leaving behind a fresh scent of cologne.

There was a few moments of awkward silence. "I guess you're stuck with me." He laughed, anxiously and sat on the couch.

Steve sat down as well. "I guess it could always be worse." He hesitantly reached his arm around Pony's shoulders.

Ponyboy smiled up at him and leaned into the touch. "I missed this. I really did. Not having you like me is the worst."

"I didn't just magically lose feelings for you. I still liked you, I was just hurt I guess."

"I won't do that to you again. I promise. I want...I want it to be serious. I want..."

"You want what?"

"A label. I want to put a label on us." He looked down, pulling Steve closer, as if to not let him get away.

But Steve did pull away, and Ponyboy felt like throwing up. "I don't know. Part of me still feels like you're gonna change your mind."

Pony stood up, rubbing his head. "I know I hurt you. And I'm sorry I did. I can't change it. I wish that I could. But if you think like that and really want to try to pick up where we left off then you can not hold that over my head for forever."

"Yeah," Steve exhaled. "You're right." He stood and walked over to the door. "Look, Pony, I need some time to think things over, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I guess I'll see you later."

Steve stared for a moment. "See you later." And he walked out.

Part of Ponyboy felt as though this was a test, and that Steve wanted him to go after the older teen. But he'd already done that once, and no real progress was made.

He sighed heavily and slumped down.

This whole love thing sure was hard.

Love.

He'd never called it that before.

He groaned in frustration. Things just got even more complicated.

Lol. I promised a few people an update 😏 here it is, finally.