BACK AND FORTH (𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘺)

seven

It was nearly midnight when Sodapop and Steve had gotten home. The two of them enjoyed their nights and spending time with each other. However, almost as soon as they walked in, Steve asked, "do you think Ponyboy is still up?" 

  Soda looked at him funny. "Uh, maybe. I can go check."

  "Don't worry about it. I was just wondering." Steve said quietly. "Well, I guess I'll be heading home. See you at work tomorrow."

  "See ya later Stevie."

  As soon as he turned to leave, Ponyboy came down the stairs. "Soda, you guys home?"

  Steve froze and turned around, attempting to hide the smile that had started forming on his face. He waved at him slightly, and Pony smiled and waved back.

  Sodapop yawned and stretched. "I'm gonna head to bed. Pony be up there soon. You know Darry don't like you staying up this late on school nights."

"Okay," pony watched Soda go upstairs before turning around to look at Steve. "Hey."

"Hey." Steve said. "What are you doing up so late?"

"Hoping I'd get to see you."

The older greasers heart sped up faster, but he managed to pull off a straight face. "Yeah? How come?"

"Well your birthday is tomorrow, right?" Pony said, like it should have been obvious.

Steve inhaled sharply. "I don't wanna talk about my birthday, okay?"

"Why not? You'll be turning seventeen. That's pretty big, right?"

"Yes, I'll be turning seventeen, but it's not that big of a deal." Steve sighed.

Ponyboy crossed his arms, indicating that he wanted to know more. "Steve, I spent all night worrying because you sounded upset over the phone, today. I admit, I almost forgot, but once I realized that it was tomorrow, I felt absolutely horrible that I hadn't mentioned it or anything before."

"That's the thing! That's why I hate it!" He felt a bit guilty for raising his voice at Ponyboy, but he had to let out how he was feeling some way or another. "No one ever remembers on their own, and I'm not gonna be an idiot and remind them all. If it's not important enough to be remembered, then it's not important enough to be celebrated."

Pony bit his lip and looked at him. "I mean, I remembered, didn't I?" He sighed. "I'm sorry no one else ever does, I really am. But I want to do something nice for you on your birthday, and I want you to let me. I know..I know that you were just taking me out to do things out of pity or guilt or something, but I sort of had a good time and I liked hanging out. So please don't be mad—"

"Woah, woah, Ponyboy-" Steve rested his hands on both of the Pony's shoulders lightly. "don't think that. I don't hang out with you because I'm guilty, I genuinely enjoy spending time with you. I'm sorry you thought otherwise.."

Pony took a breath. "Okay.."

"Why don't you go on up to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." Ponyboy nodded and began walking towards the stairs, but before he reached them he quickly turned around and gave Steve a tight hug. The older greaser gasped almost silently, before wrapping his arms around Pony's smaller body. He held onto him tightly, savoring the moment that had never happened before.

  And before he knew it, he had done something stupid. He hadn't known what possessed him to tilt Pony's face up and pecks his lips. Maybe it was the physical contact, or maybe just because everybody was right, he really didn't have a brain.

  Ponyboy gasped and pushed him back. He began breathing fast, his eyes widening. "You just kissed me!" He whispered, but to Steve, it felt as if he had screamed it.

  He rushed over and covered Pony's mouth with his hand. "Don't say it so loud..!"

  Ponyboy removed his hand and stared up at him in shock. "You kissed me! You hate me! I don't understand. You've hated me all fifteen years of my life, besides this last month!"

  Steve frantically shushed him. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that I pretended to hate you. Sometimes it's just easier to pretend to avoid getting hurt."

  "Pretend? You only pretended? Steve I cried so many nights when I was just a kid because I didn't know what I had done wrong. Now I find out you were pretending!"

  "You still annoyed me, Ponyboy, just not for the reasons you'd think. I was annoyed because I knew I couldn't have you, and it spawned a grudge that took me forever to shake off. I tried to be nice to you, and I even had fun hanging out." Steve gripped his hair tightly and leaned against the wall. "Fucking hell man, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kiss you. I just, was sort of hoping maybe you felt the same.

  Do you know how long I've liked you? Years Ponyboy, years. Years of ignoring you only to have it ruined in this one moment, right when we were becoming friends. You guys were right, I am a dumbass. Just a queer who can't control his feelings. And gosh have I tried to. I just can't, but I guess you know that now. So go ahead, out me to the gang. Tell your brothers that I kissed you. They'll beat me up and I'll deserve it. I deserve to die."

  Both boys were silent for a long time. Steve stared at the ground, unwilling to look up. The pain he was feeling was worse than anything he had ever endured before. Everything he had worked so hard to maintain, came crashing down. His feelings, his secrets, his pride...

  "Steve," Ponyboy whispered after the deafening silence. "I'm sorry I freaked out. I'm just really, really surprised." He walked towards him. "I'm not mad." He said quietly. "What do you mean you like me?"

Steve took a second to think before he spoke. "I mean I spend every night when I'm trying to sleep picturing your face and wishing that I could find the courage to talk to you. When I spend the night and hear your screams from your nightmares, I want to be able to comfort you. I want to be the one you go to for all of your problems, and I want you to feel comfortable with me. Ponyboy, I really like you." He let out a breath, relieved to finally confess, but horrified at the same time. "Do you.." he swallowed hard. "Do you even like boys?"

Pony stared and nodded slowly. "I'm okay with dating a boy.." he bit his lip. "I've liked one before, and I know how it feels to not want them to know, but at the same time you do." Steve's heart began racing. Maybe there was more of a chance than he thought. Maybe this could actually happen. "I know I have some feelings for you, I would just like a little more time to figure them out? I'd like to get to know you better, if that's alright. We still don't know a whole lot about each other."

"I told you my biggest secret." Steve snapped

"And I told you mine." Ponyboy shot back. "But what else do we really know? I just want to know who you really are a little bit better, okay?"

"Okay." Steve said slowly. It took him a few seconds to realize that he hadn't been completely turned down. "Okay!" He said, sounding more excited. "I'll give you as much time as you need Ponyboy. We can learn more about each other."

"Good, because I doubt you even really know me."

"You'd be surprised." Steve smirked, feeling overjoyed. The night wasn't a complete disaster.

"Well," Pony shook his head. "It's late. I need to get to bed. Let's do something after school tomorrow. For your birthday."

"I've got work until nine."

"Then we'll hang out after nine." He said, as if it should have been obvious. "Goodnight, I'll see ya tomorrow."

Steve waved to him and watched him disappear upstairs. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was okay. Despite having a mild panic attack, he was okay. There was still hope, and that's what was fueling him. Hope.

He decided to fall asleep on the Curtis couch that night, seeing as it was now almost one in the morning and he didn't feel like driving home. I'm gonna be okay. He told himself.

And you know, he almost believed it.