BACK AND FORTH (𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘺)

twelve

"Ponyboy, you know I love you right?" Johnny said, in between puffs of his cigarette.

  "Sure I do." Pony said uneasily. "Why? What's wrong?"

  "Well.." Johnny sighed, his eyes watering over. "Gosh Pone, I didn't mean to do this to you. I'm so sorry."

  "For what? What did you do?" Pony asked, tapping his fingers on the ground.

  "I love you, but I think I love Dally more. We dated, but broke up, and I wanted to get over him. But I can't. I can't stop thinking about him, and I want to be with him." Johnny put out his cigarette and wiped his eyes. "Problem is, I want to be with you too, just—"

  "Stop it." Ponyboy snapped. "I know when you're lying Johnny Cade. You should know that. You don't want to be with me. You never did."

  "I do love you!" Johnny bit his lip. "And if Dally and I had never been together, then I reckon I'd want to be with you forever. But we were and now all I want is him."

  "I was fine with being friends. I was fine. You just toyed with my feelings!" Pony felt a lump in his throat, but he forced it down.

  Johnny began crying. "I'm sorry! I feel absolutely awful now.."

  Pony softened at the sight of his tears and sighed. "I'm sorry. Johnny it's your life, I can't control what you do."

It was quiet after that, except for the sound of Johnny sniffing every now and then.

  A new voice appeared and broke the silence. "Pony man, what happened to your hair?"

  "Dally!" Johnny stood up and wiped his eyes hurriedly. "W-what's going on with the cops man?"

  Dally grinned and ruffled Johnny's hair. "They're on a wild goose chase right about now. Hey Pony, I got a letter for you. It's from your brother."

  Ponyboy snatched it out of his hand, glaring slightly. It wasn't right to be mad at Dally, but he was. He couldn't stand him. He read over the letter a few times before sighing and looking up. Dally and Johnny weren't inside the church anymore. He stood up and walked outside. He saw the two of them in the car, their lips connected. He froze in shock. "One day..." he muttered. "He couldn't even wait one day to move on." Pony kicked the door, breaking hole in it, and stopped to the car.

  "Pony what's the fire?" Dally asked.

  "Just drive." Was all he answered.

  Pony woke with a gasp. He was still next to Steve on the couch, and the older boy's arm was around his waist. He took a shaky breath, and crawled out from under him.

  Dreams about Johnny were not uncommon, but once he had started getting to know Steve more, they began disappearing. But his now most recent one reminded him why he was afraid for a relationship, and it reminded him of how much he loved, and still loved Johnny.

  He stood up, and quickly went upstairs to his room to sleep with Soda. He wasn't ready to get hurt again. He wouldn't let Steve hurt him.

-

"And that is why," Two-bit grinned proudly. "you should always carry around an empty wallet with you wherever you go."

"You're real smart Two." Pony chuckled as they walked into the DX. It was Saturday, meaning that both Steve and Soda worked full time. The two boys were on their way to visit them, and maybe get a few free snacks.

  Ponyboy was nervous to go in, but he knew he needed to. He had avoided Steve all week after his dream. He even went as far as to walk home alone, as opposed to Steve walking with him or driving him. He knew what he was doing wasn't fair, and that he needed to apologize.

"Welcome to the DX," Sodapop's smooth voice rang out from behind the counter as they walked inside. He was restocking the cigarette packages behind the counter, and didn't bother to turn around.

"After noon Soda. How are you this fine day?" Two-bit sighed in a high pitch, pensive like voice.

Pony snickered as Soda turned around. "Well I'm just lovely ma'am. And yourself?"

"I think a kiss from you could make this day better."

  Soda's cheeks reddened just slightly, but only Pony seemed to pick it up. "Sorry miss. Boss man said I had to stop kissing so many customers."

  "Hate to interrupt you guys," Pony laughed lightly. "but Soda do you know where Steve is?"

  Sodapop sighed. "He's out in the garage working on a car."

  Pony frowned, noticing that his mood went from happy, to seeming downright depressed. "Are you okay?"

  "Yep. Right as rain." Soda mumbled and went back to restocking the cigarettes.

  Pony glanced at Two-bit, confused. "Go on out and see your boyfriend," Two whispered, making Pony roll his eyes. "I'll cheer up 'ol Pepsi cola."

  "Thank you." Pony said before walking out to the garage. Music was blasting from the radio, and he could hear Steve singing along from underneath a car. He bit his lip and turned the volume down, causing Steve to groan.

"Soda, I was listening to that!" He whined.

  "Not Soda this time."

  Steve rolled out from under the car, and a look of anger glazed over his eyes once he saw Pony. "What are you doing here?"

  "I came to see you." Pony said, looking down.

  "Well make it quick." Steve grabbed a rag and cleaned off his oil stained hands. "I got work to do."

  "I also came to apologize."

  Steve stopped and crossed his arms. "I guess I got a little more time.."

  "I'm sorry." Pony sighed. "That night on the couch, I had a dream about Johnny. My emotions were all over the place, and I felt betrayed all over again. I didn't want to get hurt, and kinda just started avoiding you. It wasn't right, and I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry."

  Steve stared him down. "You realize how bad you scared me when you didn't show up to my car after school? I thought that a soc had jumped you or something. I went looking all over campus for you, and then I had to make a run for it once I ran into some socs."

  Pony's stood, gaping. "Did they catch you?"

  "No. I outran them to my car and drove away. I was an hour late for work and had to break the news to Soda that you were gone. He threw a fit and yelled at me for not keeping track of you. We argued for a while before deciding to call your house to see if you were home, which you were. Do you know how mad I was? How mad I still am?" Steve began grinding his teeth.

  "I deserve it. I'm sorry Steve. I really am. Please forgive me.." Pony couldn't even look him in his eyes.

  "I forgave you the first day, but damnit I'm still so mad." He began breathing slower, trying to calm himself down. "I need a few days to calm down. If you're not going to show up at my car on Monday, just go ahead and let me know now."

  "I'll be there.." Pony said quietly. "I'm sorry Steve. I guess I'll see you around." He turned around and walked away swiftly.

  There was tight feeling in his chest, and he felt like he couldn't breathe. But he knew it was his fault.