Cryptic (A Calum Hood Fanfiction)

Chapter #36

Casper’s POV:

"Lance Dannings," Mr. Dannings announces. "I'm your father, Casper."

My head spins and swirls with thoughts and emotions I cannot even comprehend. Am I angry? Sad? Happy? Confused? I am nothing; I feel nothing as I look at Mr. Dannings with a blank expression on my face. He looks anxious and when I turn to April, she looks both relieved and concerned; an odd mixture. The first thing I notice is how Mr. Dannings deep brown eyes resemble the ones I used to bare before the identity project and how I look into them a wave of nostalgia washes over me. Looking into his warm eyes, cold memories resurface in my mind; memories of my mother, crying herself to sleep each night and memories of the unanswered questions I would ask until I decided that sometimes no answer is an answer in itself. And I finally feel something… I feel hatred towards this unrecognizable man who destroyed the good in my mother and destroyed my childhood.

“I hate you,” I blurt.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” April whispers, giving my hand a final squeeze before she exits.

“I understand,” Mr. Dannings nods.

“No, I don’t think you do,” I shake my head. “I don’t hate people; I strongly dislike them, but I hate you. I hate your guts and I hate you with a burning passion.” And for the first time in my four years of knowing him, I witness Lance Dannings in tears; he’s crying.

“I’m so sorry, Casper; if I could turn back time and change it all, I would. I’d be the father you didn’t have, but deserved to and if you’d let me, I want to make it up to you; I want to make up for all the lost time. You’re my son and I care about you… I-I love y-you,” Mr. Dannings sniffles.

“An apology isn’t going to make up for any of what I was put through,” I start. “I didn’t have a father to take with me to the ‘father and son’ camping trip in Boy Scouts. I didn’t have a father to practice football with me or to take me fishing or teach me how to ride a bike. I didn’t have a father to teach me how to shave or to give me the talk. I didn’t have you and I don’t want you anymore.” Mr. Dannings wipes his eyes and grabs a tissue from the box off his desk, blowing his nose before tossing the napkin into the bin.

“Let me make it up to you, Casper; give me a chance; you won’t regret it; I won’t let you down,” he pleas.

“The thing is, you’ve let me down one too many times,” I murmur, taking a deep breath.

“I know, Casper, I know. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life, but people learn from their mistakes; people change. You said yourself that I’m like a father figure to you…,” he continues his plea.

“And you said yourself, if my father wished to get to know me or had any interest in me, he'd have contacted me himself,” I shoot back.

“And I have contacted you, Casper; I want to have a relationship with my son as his father, not his former boss,” Mr. Dannings continues.

“It’s not that simple,” I protest, still in shock and disbelief.

“It’s not supposed to be simple; neither of us have ever been ones known for simplicity, but we can work through this and make it work. I’m not asking you to simply forgive and forget-,” I cut Mr. Dannings off.

“I will never forget what you put my mum through and frankly, I don’t know if I can ever forgive you either,” I say sternly.

“I’m not asking you to forget, but I am asking you for your forgiveness. I’m not the same man I was back then, Casper; I was practically a kid; a kid who couldn’t even take care of himself let alone a child. I thought leaving was the right decision; I thought you’d be better off, but I was wrong and I’m sorry and I’ve lived in regret ever since then,” he apologizes, breaking down into tears again. My hatred is slowly withering away as I begin to feel sadness and possibly even a little bit of guilty.

“You were wrong, but you were also right in that everybody make mistakes and I believe that people can learn from their mistakes and change. And for what it’s worth, I believe that you’re a good man with good intentions, you just went about them with bad decisions. I’m willing to give you another chance to be a part of my life, but before I commit to any sort of relationship with you, I need to hear the full story,” I breathe. And so, he tells me the full story; beginning to end, details and all. Throughout it, I feel… angry… sad… happy… confused… hatred… sadness again and a little bit of guilt again… Finally, I feel a bittersweet emotion that I can’t name, but by the end, I’m in tears, too. Subconsciously, I stand and Mr. Dannings follows suit, taking a step closer and pulling me into an embrace. “Dad,” my voice cracks as I hug him tightly.

“Son,” he croaks, rubbing my back in a therapeutic manner. “I love you so much, Calum,” he expresses.

“You called me Calum?” I pull away, missing the sound of my old name.

“I know,” he pulls me back into a hug.

“I love you too, Dad,” I express, hugging him back. 

Author's Note;

cRYING yet so happy for Calum/Casper and Mr. Dannings

-Carly