Cryptic (A Calum Hood Fanfiction)

Chapter #37

April’s POV:

Dear Mum and Dad,

I am so sorry… for everything. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through and all the sorrow and grief that I feel responsible for and always will no matter how many times you protest. I know that this isn’t what you wanted for me; you wanted me to be happy, but we both knew that was impossible and that this was inevitable; death is inevitable and I want to go on my own terms. I hope you can understand and accept my decision or at the very least, respect it. This is not your fault and I know you hate to hear it, but there’s nothing you could’ve done or said to prevent this. Sometimes, things get overwhelming and this was simply the last straw; all hope was lost. I’m depressed and what’s the point in living if you’re surrounded and consumed by sadness? Besides, I’m in a better place now; I’m with Kole. I just want you both to know how much I love you and appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I’ve never been good with goodbyes, but this one won’t be forever, okay?

Catch you on the flip side,

Annabel .xx

And when you’re writing your fake suicide letter, you start to contemplate suicide. Things have been overwhelming lately and there’s been times when I’ve lost hope in Casper and I or doubted myself. I am depressed and a happily ever after isn’t going to change that; that’s something I’m going to have to live with every day. Am I truly living? Or merely surviving? I feel a sudden pang of sorrow and grief and feel wet tears stain my cheeks as I realize that I can’t be the person Casper wants me to be. He wants us to be a family, but look where that’s gotten me; I’m responsible for the death of my little brother and I couldn’t do Ella right as a mother. What if I make the same mistakes with Casper and I’s future? I ruin everything good in my life and Casper is the only exception, but how long will that last for? Nothing lasts forever; nothing stays the same. So, why can’t I stop feeling this way? This abundance of hope and a deep longing for happiness; a happiness that I truly believe I can achieve with Casper by my side. I’m torn in two, but my love for Casper overpowers my dark thoughts and I suddenly have a sort of epiphany. Casper is my guardian angel; my savior. He’s always been there for me in my time of need and he’s my own definition of a hero; he’s saved me from myself and saw the good in me and has embraced it. Throughout everything we’ve been through, he’s always remained positive and seen the bright-side of a dim situation. Casper has taught me what it means to be happy; Casper is my happiness; my source of true happiness. 

Author's Note;

only one more chapter left of Cryptic! wow, I can't believe this story has made it this far and has exceeded the limitations that I believed it could achieve; this is truly bitter-sweet

-Carly