Moments With You {Hiatis Until Further Notice}

Second Chances

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**Niall’s POV**

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“I have to study Niall. Bye.”

How could she do that? How could Kylie just close the door like that? Just close it on everything we had, everything we were, everything we could’ve been.

“I have to study Niall. Bye.”

Has she forgotten all we did together? Maybe she’s trying to. Maybe she’s trying to forget the pain I caused. That I caused. That I caused. No one else did this, for no one else is me. I am the one who drove her away. My best friend, she’s gone. She wants nothing to do with me anymore. And why would she? Why would anyone want to be around someone who does things without a single thought of the after math, someone who does before thinking, who doesn’t realize the damage he’s caused before it’s too late? Before the door has closed?

My girlfriend, the real one, the one who was always there for me, even before when I constantly messed up. She never left me alone to suffer the wrath of the darkness that so often consumed my weary being, she never left, not when I was crushed or the one who crushed. And what did I do? I left her. I left her when she was alone, vulnerable. So what does that make me? What does leaving the one who never wavered her stance next to me for the one person who tore me down more than I thought humanly possible?

A muffled voice intruded my mind, blurred my vacant stare out the window of the foggy terrain home from the airport. It wasn’t how I had pictured my return.  It wasn’t supposed to end this way. We were supposed to come home together, be like we used to be. I was supposed to tshow up at her dorm, tell her how sorry I was for hurting her, beg for her to come home with me. Beg for her to forgive me, to let me show her how much she means to me, how much she’s always meant to me.  But I can’t do that anymore. Because she shut the door.  She shut the door on me because she had to, because I made her. She shut the door to move on, and I show up begging for a second chance.  A second chance to prove to her that I love her, that I always will, but I don’t have the right to do that anymore.

                Because second chances are for those deserving of their results. Not someone  who takes what they have for granted.  Not someone who goes around with any girl he feels that night and expects to wake up in her loving arms the next morning. Second chances are held with dignity, a dignity  not easily attained, yet so fragile in the aspect of losing it. 

                That’s what I did. I dropped the delicate entity on the cold ground, allowed it to be trampled by my arrogance, my idiocy. I don’t deserve the second chance I’ve stayed up nights thinking, wishing, dreaming I would receive one day. I don’t deserve the joy, the happiness I’ve become accustomed to Kylie’s presence after all these years. I don’t deserve Kylie.

“Hey kid.”

The muffles of voices cut through my day dream of what could have been like a knife through the delicate flesh belonging to that of one’s life ending far before their time.

“Hello, kid? Can you hear me?” The muffles sharpen, piercing the last bit of what I was holding on to with the gradient of the blade.

“Yeah. What?”

“Your stop.” He motions nonchalantly to the house resting outside the cab.  I stared at it, mind still over bearing my body in its willingness to not let go.  

Still in a dreary daze, I slid out, handing the driver the fare.  I turn to stare at the dismal house I call my home.  It has a different light shed upon is physique than it had before I left.  Before, it was a happy, homeful place. One you go when you need to be comforted, need to feel loved.  It shone with the fierce light, burning with the memories mantling the structure.

Now the flame has been hindered.  The fierce light that once illuminated off the house now dwindles like the last burning embers of a fire.

“Niall? Niall is that you?” Mum called from somewhere in the ever distant house as I entered through the wooden door.

“Yeah Mum, it’s me.” I muttered, loud enough for her to make out what I had said.

“Where’s my baby? Did you bring her home?”  She strode from inside the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. Her previously joyful face fell at the sight of me standing lonesome by the door.  “She didn’t come did she?” Mum uttered, staring aimlessly at the ground.

“No.” I said bluntly, pushing past her, making my way to the hopeful comfort of my room.

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A/N.. sorry it's short {again} but I wanted you guys to have something for the New Years(: Be safe tonight my oompa loompas! I love you guys and I'll be posting again soon.

Stay lovely {and safe} my oompa loompas :*

Cas. xx