Moments With You {Hiatis Until Further Notice}

That's Not Me.

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**Niall's POV**

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I really am a screw up aren't I?  I get a once in a life time thing, and I let it go. No, I don't let it go. I take it in my hand, and strangle the life out of it, I strangle it until all that's left of it is what used to be.  What I sued to love.  What I would give anything to have back, lays helpessly dead in my hand.  That's excatly how I feel. How could I have ruined things so much?  I had Kylie. That's all I ever wanted, right? All I wanted was to be able to hold her, knowing that it meant as much to her as it did to me.  All I wanted was to kiss her, not on the cheek out of friendship, but actually kiss her, with everything I felt for her.  I wanted her to go to bed at night, knowing she was protected from everything, just because she had me. ANd I had that. I actually got everything I had wanted, and more.  And what did I do? I threw it all away on my cheating ex. Why? Because I'm weak.  I crack under pressure. I act on things before my mind has a chance to get me out. I'm a teenage boy.

I'm a teenage boy.  Teenage boys cheat. They lie.  They become scumbags who only hook up with girls to have sex.  They only think of themselves.  Teenage boys make a girl feel special, and then throw it all away.  They make a girl fall in live with them, and walk away.  I never thought I would classify myself among them. And yet that's exactly what I'm doing now.  I'm calling my self a teenage boy, and throwing myself a pitty party. Why? Because I let the best thing inmy life walk away.  Sure, I might have managed if she had walked away to oh, say, her house, or a friends hose, but no.  She walked away to college.  Without me.  In California.  Leaving our plans of going to college together here with me. But I guess I deserve that, huh? I am the one that cheated after I promised her forver and always.  I am the one that shattered the promise I made to her mom in the hospital.  I am the one that said We'll be forever and always.            

"Ni, come on man. I know you miss her. I do.  I miss Arianna more than anything. But you can't just lock yourself up all summer. We need to get you out there! You're a single man now! SIngle and ready to mingle!" Louis got off the couch in the corner of my room and walked over to the bed, plopping down next to me, patting my back sympathetically. I groaned inwardly and flopped backwards, grabbing a pillow and smothering my face with it.

"I don't want to."  I heard Louis sigh and get off the bed.  Thinking he had given up, I settled down lower into my duvet and layed in silence. 

"Well, I don't care," Lou appeared out of no where and ripped the pillow off my face, leaving the harsh sun rays streaming through my window to stab my eyes. "You're coming with me and that's final."

I sat up at glared at Louis. "No."  I don't care if he straps me to the roof of his car, I'm not going out.

"Yes.You.Are." Louis latched onto my wrist with a firm grip and pulled me into a sitting position. "I'm tired of seeing you mope around because you fucked up. Enough is enough Niall. I know for a fact Kylie would hate to see you like this, regardless of what you did to her. So get changed. We're going to the fair." And with that, He finished dragging off my bed and push me into the bathroom. "Get in the shower, I'll get you some clothes."  I rolled my eyes at his motherlyness.

"Yes mum." Louis stood up straight and looked me dead in the eyes, pointing a finger at me.

"And don't you forget it mister."  I chuckle and the short boy's response and wave him off.  Softly shutting the door to the bathroom, I pad across the chilling tile floor to the shower faucet and turn the valve to hot.  I strip myself on my wrinkled clothes and stare at the person in the mirror.  The person isn't me.  They have a ghostly face with hollowed cheeks, eyes that have no spark, no glint, no life. His hair.  Its sprawled out in every direction, varying from it's natural brown roots and the dyed bloned ends. He isn't me.  The me I remember was a happy one.  His eyes were full of life and love.  His skin was full of life and spirit, cheeks constantly sore from the laughter erupting from deep within.  Not this.