The Boy With The Blank Stare: The Promise

Chapter Fifty: Being Myself

Ouma's POV:

"Wow those commercials make this look easy" Shuichi joked as I heard him fumbling with the rubber bands.

"At least you can see what you're doing" I countered as I hoped I grabbed the right colors and Shuichi didn't trick me.

"Kind of wish your artistic friends were here" Shuichi remorsed, "Mirai would have died by now, this cane is going to look like a first grades arts and crafts project by the time we finished" I mourned.

"I mean...if it works at least right?" Shuichi asked, "that's the bare minimum" I agreed.

...

"Just make sure not to do any carvings or anything near the handle" I warned.

"Course not, uhm...let's see, you said you wanted orange right?" Shuichi asked, he seemed to be questioning it though.

'Yeah' I told him after setting aside the bands for the bracelets, it was futile.

"I didn't think you liked orange" Shuichi admitted, 'orange and red are my favorite colors' I told him.

"Is that a lie? I've only ever seen you wearing black and white" Shuichi guessed, "nah this is one is actually the truth. A lot of people think that but...no it really isn't. I once tried to wear orange and Kazue died from a fashion crisis" I joked.

"That's Mori, right?" Shuichi asked, "yeah, why?"

"I got in contact with his parents, but like with another DICE member his stuff had already been sold. All I got was a sketchbook but all that was in it was models and outfit sketches, there wasn't anything I could use as evidence" Shuichi told me regrettably.

'Kazue wasn't the type to keep his thoughts written down' I admitted, 'kind of surprised his sketchbooks survived' I added.

"Why?" Shuichi asked, I sighed, "his parents hated his hobbies. Too 'gay' or something, Kazue designed the whole DICE uniforms and hand stitched them himself, I only gave him the clown concept and he just took it from there.

"He was so proud...until Nao spilled some juice on it, turns out using white uniforms for a group of overhyped teenagers was a bad idea" I joked as the memory of Kazue's panicked screaming made me smile.

"That's a shame" Shuichi remarked, "he was himself though, so I guess..." I started but my thoughts trailed off as I slipped into my jacket pocket and dragged out the fabric.

My bandana, the only piece remaining. I don't know what happened to the rest of my old uniform, I never asked, but this piece...

"Is that part of your uniform?" Shuichi asked curious, I nodded a little as I traced over the fabric.

It used to smell like strawberries and chai lattes, that's what Kazue's room always smelled like, but the scent had faded eons ago.

I kind of wished it stayed a lot longer, even if I hate chai.

"I miss him" I mumbled, "I'm sorry" Shuichi said softly, I sighed and crumpled the fabric tightly in my hand.

"I thought I was better" was all I muttered. "You are, you are doing better" Shuichi assured me, "so why...I keep telling people it's fine to mention them around me...and yet now...when I'm talking about them I become like this again? What's wrong with me..." I snapped bitterly.

"I think it might always be like that, for me the memories are always so bittersweet. Sometimes I laugh and think fondly, and sometimes some memories even the ones that might have made me happy just a few days ago make me want to cry. I can't explain it really, grief is funny like that huh?" Shuichi asked.

I nodded, as I retucked the bandana back inside of my pocket. "My mother was the one who gave it back to me, she never said where she had kept it all those years, she just handed it over.

"I didn't dare touch it for a whole year after...I just kept it in my desk drawer...when I moved out to my aunts was when I finally held it again...and I just couldn't let it go after that, funny isn't it?" I asked.

"How would Kazue design your cane if he was here?" Shuichi asked. I paused surprised, "my cane is a light wooden color right? He would probably spray paint it black and have Mirai stencil in designs that way with chalk or something" I guessed.

"Why don't we try and do that?" Shuichi offered, "no offense but I can't even tell what you were trying to make over there" he jokingly teased.

"I don't know either" I admitted as Shuichi helped me stand up, making Dice get up as well as we headed outside.