The Boy With The Blank Stare: The Promise

Chapter Thirty Three: My Sister

Mayumi's POV

My sister died before she was even forty years old. She died in the hospital and by her own hand.

She didn't have a funeral.

She never had many friends in her life, and I wasn't surprised to know many of her coworkers didn't just know her well enough to think it was appropriate to attend one.

So instead as her own living relative we held a small private ceremony. But even though Miyagi suggested otherwise I didn't tell her son.

My only nephew.

He's just a kid. He's the same mental age as my own child.

And that's what made it so hard for me, and why I never wanted to tell him.

I glanced at the navy haired boy trying in vain to comfort my poor nephew who refused to even sign anything in response to him. Finally the kid got up and seemed to be promising to see him the next day, Kokichi didn't even give him a nod as he left the house a look of guilt clear on his face as I sighed and got comfy sitting next to him.

"Hey big guy" I greeted unsure of how best to help him. "I'm sorry you had to hear it like that? Ok?" I apologized, "your Mom...your Mom's death...it was hard for me to really know how to deal with or process...and I ended up leaving you on the short end of the stick.

"Your Mother though...my sister, she loved you ok? Just remember that, she loved you more than anyone else in the world and every time on one of those rare occasions we would talk she couldn't help but gush about you.

"It kind of annoyed me heh, but I couldn't stay mad. I do the same with Kiibo, so don't...you didn't do anything wrong ok...?" I told him unsure if I was saying the right thing.

He still didn't say much so I grabbed the plastic bag from the store I had just dropped by and dropped it on his lap.

He glanced at me, "I got you some snacks...remember when you used to stay with us? When you were still such a little kid? And how you're Uncle and I would bring you to the convenience store and you would act as if you were in Disney Land? Oh gosh those sugar rushes were a nightmare though" I reminisced laughing.

He nodded as he grabbed one of the bags, and he seemed to be trying to guess what it was, "those are corn chips, plain" I told him.

He nodded in thanks and opened it as I took a deep breath, "it's okay to be sad..." I started to say but he shook his head.

...

"You're...not sad?" I asked confused unsure of where this was coming from. After some hesitation he took a deep breath and with a strained and tired voice he finally spoke to me for the first time in half a decade.

"I...I'm sad..." he started and he seemed hesitant to keep talking but I could feel small tears threaten the corners of my eyes.

"Go on..." I encouraged cautious, he nodded and took another deep breath, "but...but also relieved" he admitted.

I wanted to say that broke my heart...that my nephew was relieved about his own mothers death. But the truth was, I understood that feeling better than anyone.

"Mom...Mom had a lot of problems...and I loved her...but I also kind of hated her as a kid...

"She used to...you know? And I...I blamed her for everything...I blamed her when we couldn't have Christmas...or when all we had to eat was canned foods...or when she couldn't spend time with me because she was working...and when she sent me here the first time...and then the second time...and then any time she was stressed or sad because I didn't get why...why she was always like that...

"Now though...now that I'm older...I understand a lot more about why we couldn't do some things...I understand why she never talked about my father...and why she was so weak...

"But...I never forgave her. Not for the times she hurt me...or said awful things...maybe I'm just a bad son..." he guessed.

"No! Never say that! You never have to forgive her just because you're obligated to especially considering the situation!" I told him.

"But...she was so sad..." he mumbled, "but nothing, if you can't forgive her then you can't forgive her, alright?" I ensured him.

He didn't seem convinced but nodded all the same. I bit my tongue. "It was the same for both your mother and me when your grandmother died. We didn't know...your grandmother was a very bad woman, and she didn't...she's the reason why your mother and I had so many issues both with each other and psychologically...and so when your grandmother died...quite recently actually...

"I was almost happy, because unlike your mother I don't think she even thought she had to ask for forgiveness, so you don't need to forgive someone for how they might have hurt you just because they're dead" I told him. Kokichi paused for a bit taking it in.

He finally sighed though, "I think...that's why I'm ok she's gone...I'm still sad but...the last time I saw her...she finally let me go...she didn't force me to stay with her when she knew I wasn't happy anymore...that for all the rare happy moments we would always somehow ruin...she let me go. For me...that was something I wanted for a long time...to get out of there...so...I think I'll be ok..." he said and I truly did believe those words as for the first time in a while he was at peace.

"Course you will" I told him.