Warbler Infections

Chapter 32: "A Little Less Conversation"

Monday December 3rd, 2010
Sebastian's POV:

  "Bas, hey, Sebastian, wait up!"

No. Go away. I can't do this right now. Who does he think he is anyway? Just cause I've been through some shit doesn't mean I cant self advocate. I'm done being some  fragile little doll thrown around until my vinyl scratches and stuffing falls out.

"I know you heard me Seb. We need to talk."

Do we? Did you care to talk to me when I was vulnerable and distressed in that locker room? No. You said all those compliments, made me feel safe and loved, had me thinking that maybe for once I wouldn't mess it up. So I guess we did talk, and maybe I just couldn't hear you.

"Can you slow down and listen to-"

"-that's it." I yanked the both of us into the nearest supply closet, the tension in the air mixing with limoncello window spray and lavender vanilla tile cleaner. The last thing this belated conversation needs is an audience on the sidelines.

"No. No Hunter, I'm not going to slow down and listen to you. I have had it up to here with being silent and not saying anything. Get pretty used to shutting up and hearing others out but right now, right now I'm putting my foot down and you're gonna give me your full attention. Clear?"

He was dumbfounded, pursing his lips in a terse line as though he would burst into tears at any second. "Wha- you, what do you want to ask? I'll listen this time." Practically a whisper, his words a sticky sweet smoke of false security caressing the shell of my ear.

"Why?"

"Um, why what?"

"Why me, why the kiss, why haven't we talked in over a month, why did I have to run away, why does our relationship keep going in circles, why cant I just say no to you, why?" I didn't expect an answer, these are the same questions I'm asking myself.

"I, I really don't know Sebastian. This is all so confusing, and as hard as it is for you, things are just as difficult for me. You know who you are, you're sassy and proud and even though you're timid about it, nobody gets away with pushing you. I don't know how to do that. I let everyone direct my life, they...I have to be the leader when I really have no clue what I'm doing, who I am, what I like. Who I like. And I'm not like the other guys here. They all have parents who motivate, support, give them the power and resources to do better. I don't. Everything I do is because I forced myself. I'm my own trainer which is my greatest strength and biggest weakness. I never know when to stop. Practicing for hours with no water, studying without sleep, failing without asking for help. And you get that, you understand that, and that day in the locker room was me realizing that we need each other, whether you'll admit it or not." He was gasping for air, and now I was the one with nothing to say.

"Hunter, you shouldn't be holding all this in. You were the one who said that we need each other and this has been awfully one sided lately. Next time either of us is going through the ringer we head to the Lima Bean, split a blueberry scone cause I know its your favorite, and sort it out. Okay?"

He sighed with a slight smile, enveloping me in an embrace of lacrosse sweat, delightful musk cologne, and, toilet bowl cleaner? Doesn't matter, no need to ruin the moment.

"Thank you. Really Seb, I feel so horrible for what I did and I know, I know it was toying with your emotions and everything's just so confusing and I do have feelings for you that way but I'm not sure I'm exactly ready to put a label-"

"Hunt, its fine. I get how conflicting it can be and it took me years of self loathing before I actually excepted my sexuality. And you don't necessarily need to put a label on yourself to be valid. No hard feelings about the kiss either, I care a lot about you too and maybe we can get to know one another better before we try to launch into something. But I do hope that we can leave this rough patch behind us."

We separated after a longer then friendship would call for hug and headed out the closet door when we were sure last period had finally let out. I had a French honors society meeting in twenty minutes and as much as I hated the thought of leaving Hunter right now, some space might be good to help us clear out our heads.

"Man we're like one of those cheesy rom coms they play at four in the morning when nobody's watching, aren't we?" He blurted out of the blue before we went down different halls. "Like I really don't think we could make it a day without some unrealistic soul searching and overdramatic confessions."

I rolled my eyes, he was always the instigator. "Well Mr. Hallmark Christmas special, this is my stop so although I'd love to stay and quarrel, I have to fulfill my french leadership duties so....."

He laid a light as a feather kiss upon my cheek followed by a much shorter embrace. "See you later?", was the last thing I heard before he headed for the back exit and the heavy mahogany doors echoed through the empty corridor.

new message
subject: operation huntbastian

to: kurt

from: sebastian

S: Guess who just made some much awaited progress in the relationship department

K: is typing

  Hey Guys! So I know this is by far the cringiest and one of the shortest chapters I've ever posted but I didn't want to draw out a simple storyline for the sake of making it longer so I hope this will do. Think of this as the beginning of another ship getting together but they probably won't be official for some time. (I have to add some fluff and angst into the slow burn). Anyways, thanks for all the support and suggestions on the last post because I wasn't sure how a time jump would work but I figured a month give or take will let me skip over some stuff without  confusing the fuck out of everybody. Since I'm on spring break expect another update next Sunday and maybe a chapter or two throughout the weekdays because I want to spoil y'all that  have stuck by me for seven months. Damn thats crazy. Of course comment, vote, add to lists, and make suggestions. Have a great morning, afternoon, or evening. You are effected by the people who surround you, so make sure you truly want them around.
Your fellow gleek,
  - Lindsay 💕