Disadvantageous

Chapter 11

Lydia awoke early the next morning, nerves bundling in the pit of her stomach. She had delayed her visit to Sherlock's until this moment, too fearful that she would lose her nerve and then fail to come up with an excuse for why she had shown up at his door. That was bull, she knew, with her particular proclivity for lying out of her arse, but it successfully delayed her confession.

Part of her feared that Sherlock would have emotionally moved on by this point, it had been quite a while since the last they kissed, it had even been quite a while since his return. What if he no longer felt the same burning affection that Lydia had been so desperate to try to extinguish these past months? But Lydia had to trust that Sherlock still felt the same way - after all, her feelings remained unchanged no matter how hard she tried to repress them.

That fear had been why she did not rush over to Sherlock's the second she left the restaurant, she told herself that she needed time to prepare. But it was more like needing to have a solid excuse to show up on Sherlock's doorstep. This morning she was meant to pick up Willow, so she could pretend that was all she was there to do should she lose her nerve.

And that was a very plausible fear, she realised, as she stared at the large black door with the gold lettering spelling out 221B. She had stared at this very door many times before, but not since that mission that first caused their paths to cross did she feel so daunted by its towering stature.

She was being silly, of course. It was only a door, an inanimate object that could do her no harm. If anything, it was protecting her by creating a barrier between herself and the man she feared would break her heart. Yet it appeared to her a hurdle to overcome, one that reminded her of how likely she was to fail.

Pushing these thoughts aside, Lydia lifted her hand to the knocker and rapped it against the door, taking care to return it to its normal skewed position that Sherlock preferred. It only took a few moments for the old landlady to come to the door, a smile stretching across her face at the sight of her favourite former tenet.

"Lydia! How lovely to see you, dear," she welcomed, immediately pulling her into an embrace. "But it is rather early isn't it, I don't know if Sherlock's up yet."

"Sherlock has no solidified sleep schedule, I could arrive at noon and he could be still sleeping or just settling down. Besides, Willow and I have a full day ahead of us and need to get an early start. It was great to see you, Mrs. Hudson, but I've got to go collect my daughter!"

With that, Lydia hurried past Mrs. Hudson and bounded up the stairs. As she got to the door to Sherlock's flat, she hesitated for a moment, but upon remembering that Mrs. Hudson was still at the base of the stairs, watching her, she quickly knocked on the door. She really didn't need Mrs. Hudson to get suspicious as to why she was so nervous to see Sherlock this morning.

There came no response from inside the room so Lydia knocked again, a bit louder this time. The door was promptly thrown open, revealing Sherlock looking a little worse for wear. His clothes were wrinkly and hung loosely from his frame, but he seemed to care little about his appearance.

"Lydia, I wasn't expecting you here!" He exclaimed, oddly energetic for the early hour. "What do you need?"

Lydia frowned, thinking it was rather obvious. There was only one reason she ever came by 221B, surely a clever detective like him would have easily deduced what she was doing. Or at least the excuse she was using to see him.

"I've come for Willow, I have her for the next week," Lydia finally replied, trying to shake off the feeling that something was off. "I hope you don't mind my coming so early, I actually had quite a few plans for the day since I have it off."

"Early? What time is it?" Sherlock asked, looking around the flat for a clock. He quickly gave up that search and turned back to Lydia, "ah, it's no matter, come in, come in!"