Disadvantageous

Chapter 24

As Sherlock and Lydia finally pulled away from the kiss, their bodies still pressed against one another, Sherlock asked Lydia, "would I be able to see Willow? I would rather like to apologise for being so absent these past months."

Lydia frowned, "Sherlock, my desire was to get black out drunk and forget everything, you really think I would have kept Willow around while I was drinking? She's over at Zoe and Peter's flat until the morning."

"Oh, I suppose I should have assumed as much," Sherlock muttered, fearing that he had ruined the moment. Why did he have to make things awkward? Of course Lydia would have made Willow her top priority before deciding to drink, unlike the decision he had made when he had started using again.

But Lydia wasn't going to let that comment cause him to hide away. She slipped her hand in his and spoke, "you can come with me to pick her up in the morning, I'm sure that she'll be ecstatic to see you. She misses you a lot, you know."

"I've missed her, too. And you, of course. Lydia, I don't ever want to be pulled apart again. I've spent hours every day thinking about the two of you, what could have been. The logic side of my brain knew it was pointless to fixate on the past, it's not like I could have changed the choices I made. But I wish I could have been there to see her grow up, I wish I hadn't gone after Magnussen, I wish I hadn't been afraid when we thought Moriarty had returned."

Lydia smiled sadly at him, "I know, Sherlock. And I should have fought harder to keep you from shutting us out. But the truth was that I was also scared. When it was just my life, I would have gladly thrown myself into danger to be with you, but I found it infinitely harder when Willow was involved. But I know you will do anything to protect your family and even if we end up in the hands of one of your enemies, you will find a way to save us."

"You and Willow will be my top priority from now on, you have my word."

"Don't say that, Sherlock. You know that domestic life isn't going to be enough for you. I'd settle for the knowledge that you will make time for us when you're working your cases, that's all we need. And the promise that you will track down Moriarty so that I can finally rest easy."

Sherlock frowned at this statement. "But Lia, Moriarty's not back, he never was. All of that, that was just my sister. She and Moriarty worked together on the idea, but Moriarty is dead, I am positive of that."

"He's truly dead?"

"I can't say that that does not mean you have a shortage of enemies, what with the number of people still imprisoned for partaking in the Rose Foundation on a steady decline. But you needn't fear anyone as dangerous as Moriarty coming after you, not at least until I find myself a new enemy."

"So all of this was Eurus? Why?"

"I think to understand that, you'd have to meet her. Not that I would ever let you anywhere near her. I can't risk her getting to your head."

"You think I'm that weak?"

"No, but she's a master of manipulation and even the strongest mind would crumble under her words. She already managed to hurt you once and she never actually made contact with you. John and Mycroft were both incredibly shaken after today's events."

"Do you think they're alright? Perhaps you should be with them instead of me, they probably need you more than I."

Sherlock shook his head, pulling Lydia closer to him, "John will be fine, he has Mary. And Greg's promised to keep an eye on Mycroft for me. I needed to see you, not just because I was afraid you were going to shut me out if I didn't fix things immediately, but because I needed you. You've always had a way to ground me, even if you distract me from a case or occupy my mind far too often for me to be productive. I needed you, Lydia. Just to see you would have been enough. But here, holding you close, you calm me."