Beautiful Boy || Kyle Spencer

chapter |7| hurting

i hadn't really slept much in the past week and i could barley eat. i could barley do anything, really. my anxiety made me feel so sick.

i just couldn't stop thinking about kyle, and it honestly hurt so badly to be around him. it's like i felt responsible for everything. this was all hard though because i still had to help kyle learn, and get him food. he was doing a little better each day, but it'd still be awhile.

kyle looked over at me as i laid on the bed, trembling and looking at the wall. he was supposed to be working on words on his ipad, but he couldn't help but notice me.

"y/n?" he whispered, but i didn't have the energy to respond. so, kyle set his ipad down and stood up. "y/n.."

"not now."

he was kind of worried about me so he instead came closer to me and sat on his knees, in front of the bed.

"you okay?" he asked softly, placing his hand onto my face.

i shrugged.

kyle leaned in and lightly kissed my nose, holding his hand in my hair and then climbing in bed with me.

i pushed my body up against him, resting my head onto his chest and taking in his scent. it did make me feel better to have him with me.

"kyle?" i whispered, breaking the silence. "did you ever..uhm tell anyone else?"

he shook his head no.

"why'd you tell me?"

"i killed my ma."

he missed his mom. but, he only missed how she was before she got into drugs, the mom she was when he was real little. he hated the mom she'd been to him since his dad left four years ago. it hurt loosing someone you hate and love at the same time.

"i'm a monster." he said, starting to think about everything.

"you weren't okay. i'm sorry i left you there, you weren't ready."

we were both holding eachother closely as if it were to be the last time in forever.

"i i-i was raped." he said as a way to admit to himself what had happened to him. it hurt.

when i looked at his face his eyes were watery and my heart crushed.

i held his face, letting him lean down and rest his forehead on mine as i cooed him to comfort.

"you're okay. it's okay.."

"and i died." he cried, "h-how will..anyone love me ever a-again."

"i love you, people will love you."

kyle moved down to rest his head onto my chest. it was obvious his emotions we're starting to stress him out so i tried my best to put him to sleep.

it look a little while, but eventually he fell asleep. i kissed his forehead and slowly got up so i could shower.

——

over the next week, kyle completely changed. he was refusing to eat, refusing to sleep, learn, and even talk. he wouldn't come near me and he would just do everything he could to be alone. so much so that he would lock himself in the bathroom for hours on end.