All There Is

2.Matt

Everything Counts // Depeche Mode

I twist the controller in my hand, trying to get a better angle at the zombies I'm trying to kill, even though I know it does nothing to improve my aim. It feels necessary. Four, five, six zombies, dead, but the frustration hasn't left my system.

"Fucking dad." I roll my neck then stretch both sides before returning to my task. The sound effects are on full blast because I can't stand listening to his bitching. I almost don't hear the tentative knock at my door due to the volume. I can tell it's my brother. Mark knocks like he's scared I'm going to bite his head off. Mom knocks while saying, "Matt, honey?" and Dad just barges the fuck in.

"It's open," I say without taking my eyes off of the screen. Two more zombies taken out.

Mark opens then shuts the door and plops down on the gaming chair next to me. "Can I hide in here?"

"Yeah." I pause to kill a couple more. "Dad still being dad?"

Mark is silent so long that I turn to look at him. He's staring at the ground, kind of pale. My stomach turns at the sight of my kid brother like this.

"What is it?" I ask, even though I already know.

"I can't stay here alone with him, Matt." Mark's voice is really quiet. It wasn't easy for him to say, knowing that in just a few months I'm heading off to college, as far the fuck away from here as I can. My one-way ticket out of here makes it easy to forget the collateral damage. Mark.

I take a deep breath then turn back to the game, tossing a controller at my brother. "Kill some zombies with me."

I don't make him any promises. I can't. I need out of here if I'm ever going to be someone different. I'm tired of being such an asshole. Losing Amber brought things out of the darkness that I never realized were lurking there. My shitty nature has almost destroyed every friendship I have. All that's going down with Pete is evidence that I'm a bigger asshole than I even realized.

Mark starts shooting while I provide back up, the two of us getting lost in the game for a while and not saying anything. An hour goes by with nothing but the sound of exploding brains. I'm numb at this point but I have no idea how Mark is doing until he stands up and starts walking to my bedroom door.

"You good?"

"Mostly. I'm sure Dad is done by now. I'm going outside."

"Hey," I say to stop him for a second. Mark looks back at me. "I'm sorry." I don't elaborate but by the nod Mark gives me before he steps out I know he understands.

I'm sorry I'm leaving.

I'm sorry I can't take you with me.

I'm sorry our dad is such a...

I'm just so damn sorry this is our life.

But I'm ready for something else. Something different. A new start. I just wish Mark wasn't being left to pick up the pieces.

My phone buzzes for the hundredth time in the last hour. There's a party tonight and everyone wants to get me there. I haven't been in the mood for a long time. Even last time at the Lot I had just gone to shut everyone up. I used it as an excuse to bring Amber, too. And I don't even want to think about how that ended.

Although, my heart isn't nearly as wrapped up in feelings for Amber since then. I've had flashes of a hot brunette in barely-there shorts that have left me breathless, even with the memory of her temper flaring my way. That actually makes her hotter. If only Hannah wasn't Jeff's cousin, I might entertain the idea of her and I. But, I'm really in no place to mess with a girl like her. Too bad the timing sucks.